


We'll Die Tomorrow

by livingflowers



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BDSM, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, F/M, M/M, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:14:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 33,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29136144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livingflowers/pseuds/livingflowers
Summary: The 104ths are trapped in a dystopian city where even the air isn't safe to breathe. They are constantly hunted down by the scout officers for stealing what they need to survive. But Eren notices that the newest scout officer is different from the rest, and his curiosity gets the better of him.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Jean Kirstein, Levi/Eren Yeager, Levi/Erwin Smith, Sasha Blouse/Connie Springer
Comments: 25
Kudos: 57





	1. The Underground

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I hope everyone enjoys this story! I just wanted to clarify a few things in this opening notes section just in case anyone was confused:
> 
> This is an Ereri fan fiction! 
> 
> The story is set a dystopian city and the 104ths are criminals that the scouts attempt to kill on sight. Everyone in this city wears a gas mask because the air is too toxic to breathe. I just wanted to make sure that it was clear what sort of world they lived in just so it wasn't confusing!
> 
> I'm really excited about this fan fiction and am not sure if anything like it has been done before... if it has I'm sorry and I'll do my best to make this original and exciting! I hope everyone enjoys <3

BANG!

Scorching pain ripped through my left shoulder blade as me knee gave out, and I fell to the ground, scraping my wrist in the process. It was dark, but I knew they would be on me in a moment if I didn't get moving. With a sickening grunt, I heaved myself back up, holding my shoulder as I ran.

Buildings, lights, people, signs. I blew past them all. The sound of their shoes hitting the ground and their gear clanking against their hips followed right behind me as I attempted to duck into alleyways and turn sharp corners to lose them. 

Pain started to spread through my back, blood seeping through my shirt. But I kept on. Just keep running. Just keep running. Run until you can't anymore. Run and hide. Hide and run. Kill or be killed. 

Eventually, the sound of their footsteps faded and all I could hear was the sound of my own breathing and the soft scraping my shoes made when I ran on the dirty concrete. My chest was tightening from the pain and I huffed heavily as I ducked behind a dumpster in an empty alleyway. Quickly, I removed my shirt, grunting when my shoulder rolled.

Shit. They had gotten me. My shirt was soaked through with black blood, dripping onto the ground in between my legs. There wasn't enough time to remove the bullet. But if I lost anymore blood, it didn't look good for me. It was already infected from the rotten air of the city. I used my forearm to swat the sweaty strands of hair that were stuck to my brow. There was some gauze in the pouch on my belt. That would have to do. 

"Come on, we haven't checked around these buildings yet! Full sweep!" The mic crackled, but I could make out the words. Dammit. 

I fumbled with my belt, pulling out the gauze and holding the tip with my chin. Grunts and whimpers of pain escaped my scratchy throat. My own mic crackled with static. They would hear me soon. My shaking hands wrapped the gauze over my chest and around my back, covering the wound. I pulled it tight with my teeth and went to stand.

"Building 1412 clear, checking behind." 

I froze. What building was I at. I had lost track while running. My vision blurred as I attempted to stand and I stumbled into the wall, growling when my shoulder hitched into the brick. It was quiet. They must've been at another building. Here was my chance for escape! 

I pushed off of the wall, my gloved hand clenching as I jogged for the back. A black figure dashed before me and in an instant their shin knocked the back of my knees and their gloved hand pulled my bad arm behind my back, ripping a shriek from my throat. I was pinned! Dammit they had been fast. Petite too. Probably a woman officer. In the process, the right eye glass of my gas mask shattered against the ground. Air seeped in slowly, but the mask held. 

I heard the static from their mic, but didn't give them time to speak. Rolling onto my left hip, I threw my leg up, giving a swift blow to the jaw. Their groan of pain crackled through their mask: a deep, dominating sound. A man! 

Instantly, I started throwing punches at him, not giving a second thought. My boot hit his chest, but in one rapid move, he had his gloved hand wrapped around my ankle and threw me off balance. He was skilled! I quickly reached for my belt, sacrificing the offense. His knee pressed against my stomach, knocking me against the wall and he pinned me there with his forearm against my throat, threatening to crush my larynx. The tip of my knife pricked the side of his jaw, my other hand grasping at his wrist. 

We both huffed, finally getting a moment to size each other up in our stalemate. He was short, but strong. Stronger than me. A scout officer. The tight, black armor of the police was wrapped tightly around his petite frame, their signature symbol of wings plastered to his right peck. A gun, cuffs, and tasers were hooked to his belt. A large AK-47 was strapped to his back. Short black hair. Faces weren't recognizable, especially an officer's. We all wore the same black gas masks that covered every fatal area of the face, including the eyes and ears. The only patches of pale skin I could see was the triangle of his forehead peaking through his bangs, the tips of his clenched fingers, and the top half of his neck.

Our radios hissed, amplifying the sound of our heavy breathing. I felt his forearm etch slightly further into my neck, gagging me. At the same time, I pierced him with the knife, blood trickling down his jaw, staining his neck-high shirt. 

"What do you think will kill first?" My mic hummed through the sound of my gasping voice. "Your arm, or my knife?" 

His arm tensed and I could hear a soft, deep sound from the back of his throat when I stuck him further with the blade. I wanted to hear him talk. Voices were our only way of recognition and I could identity almost any of the voices on the scouts. At least in this area. That meant this guy was new or transferred. 

"Do it." My voice was nearly gone, but I hacked it out. "Aren't officers supposed to be willing to sacrifice themselves when it comes to devils like me?"

Hesitation. A moment of silence, nothing but this dirty alleyway, the night, and our bodies pressed up together, threatening to end each other's lives. Exhilarating. Blood pounded in my head with the excitement. 

With a frustrated grunt, he pushed off of me, taking a step back. His combat boots dug into the ground and he held up his fists in a defensive stance, ready to take me on. He would win, too. I couldn't afford to combat him, especially not with my shoulder out. With him off of me, I took the chance to press the button on the side of my radio. A beacon. 

"I see you, Eren. Meet me on street 1410." Sasha's voice replied on the radio.

He couldn't see it, but I smirked, giving him a small salute. "See ya." I pushed off the wall and sprinted in the direction of 1410. He was right behind me, I could hear him. Fast! His fingers grazed my belt, but I found the stamina to increase my speed. 1412. 1411. 1410! 

My shoulder screamed with pain, but I saw the black car up ahead. The officer caught up quickly and knocked me down, straddling me and pulling my arms back. I struggled violently, trying to throw him off of me, but he held his position. Holy shit this guy was strong.

"Eren!" Sasha leapt from the car, pulling out her gun. The officer didn't waste a moment, moving off me in order to dodge the bullet. But Sasha was fast and an incredible markswoman. Her gun exploded and the bullet scraped his hip, crippling him. 

Sasha was under me, moving me to the car. In the next moments we were driving away and I was looking back. 

"What is it?" Sasha asked.

"That one was different." I huffed. "He's dangerous." 

God, this city was complete shit. 

Buildings were old, dirty, and crumbling away. Most of them were abandoned, and even the ones that weren't had shattered windows and broken ventilation systems so it didn't matter. The streets were filled with a thick brown smog that hovered around every corner like a fog that never lifted. Food was scarce. Clean air was scarcer. More than a few minutes exposed to the dusty air could infect your lungs, eyes, and ears, slowly killing you off. People were forced to survive in any way they could: stealing, killing, raping, and pillaging.

Those who followed the law would starve. Those who chose to survive were hunted down by the scouts. Everyday thieves were shot down, bodies of the devil race left bleeding on the sidewalks until members of the military police got around to discarding them. 

We were a part of the 104th gang. That separated us from the individuals who were hunted down and killed by the police. Unlike them, we were trained and had strong connections with the black markets for weapons, ammunition, and even oxygen, which was incredibly rare. This allowed us to dodge the scouts, and even fight back against them.

Selfish bastards. They worked for the government, which gave them an incredible advantage in this rotten society. On the banks that looked out over the sea was a sectioned off portion of land, free of all the smog and dirt. That's where the officers lived. In exchange for sacrificing their lives in the field, they were allowed to live with the rich and the government officials behind the wall. We had even heard that they didn't have to wear gas masks there, the air from the sea was so clean.

There were only a few places within the city that were safe for the 104ths. The underground was our main hideout. It was literally an underground expanse of space beneath a building of the same name. This was the place for bartering: trading what you have for what you need. Hundreds gathered here, though most traded for fleeting things such as alcohol or sex. This drove the underground to become a pot of prostitution. People who had nothing would trade their bodies for food and survival. 

In the beginning, trading and prostitution were illegal. But the more the underground grew, the more the government was unable to control it, until eventually, they conceded, making them legal over the age of 20. Even scouts would take advantage of it, spending their time off duty drinking and raping. 

Sasha guided me through the place. Masked people gambled, fought, cursed, and cheated around us. Bodies were crammed together in the tight space, music blaring through the radio speakers. 

We shoved through to the back, going through a pair of doors and into the back room where a set of stairs led down into the actual underground area. The true underground was the remains of an old subway cave. The only people who resided down here were those sanctioned into the 104th and our prisoners. Prisoners were mostly beaten scouts who we dragged back to headquarters and kept chained to the walls. We would show them our world, let them see what we suffered through. We would torture them and beat them for information. Some would even rape them. Nobody cared, because every single one of them would still spit at us and call us devils. 

I stumbled down into Mikasa's arms. She frowned as she guided me to a stained, smothered chair in front of the television. Jean and Connie worked behind with strings of wires, trying to connect the damned thing. So far, only static.

"You shouldn't be so careless." Mikasa said as she removed the ill-wrapped gauze from my shoulder. It was essential to clean wounds like this as soon as possible, or infection would quickly lead to death. "Your mask is cracked." 

Carefully, she removed the bullet and I winced, hissing through my teeth as she pressed a damp rag to stop the blood. To distract myself, I pulled my mask up and over my head, my eyes burning already from the air. Quickly, I pulled on a new one, strapping it into place at the back of my neck. 

"We shouldn't have left Eren behind. I told you!" Jean cried, finally giving up on the wires. 

I glared up at him, though expressions meant nothing when we wore our masks. "It worked didn't it? It's a small wound. It'll heal. The important thing is that I distracted the scouts long enough for you guys to get out of there with the essentials. You did get everything you needed right?" I stood, lost my balance for a moment, but held my ground. I had lost more blood than I thought.

Armin walked forward, his long blonde hair pulled back at the nape of his neck. His mic hummed "It wasn't easy, but we were able to sneak into the communications and file rooms of the scout headquarters." He explained. "So we were able to take their radio signal codes. If we can connect this television with the right frequency, we'll be able to hack into their channel and hear their plans and moves."

I went to the other side of the room, where we kept our low supply of oxygen. I knelt with a grunt and connected the tube to the front of my mask, sucking in half a breath of clean air. The pain in my chest lessened.

"Listen, there was someone new." My voice was scratchy, rubbed raw from the smog, and sounded mechanical from the intercom of my mask. "A man. 20 probably. Short. Black hair."

"Did you hear his voice?" Connie asked.

"No I couldn't get him to speak, so I wasn't able to get a recording of his voice." 

Voice recording was a useful tool in the underground. We would use this tool to memorize the voices associated with the different scout members. Then, we could easily identify them and study their personal techniques. Fortunately for us, we had something of a double agent that worked in correspondence with the scouts. They would give us information on the soldiers. 

"What was so special about him?" Mikasa asked, handing me a clean shirt.

I pulled it over my head and tucked my key necklace inside of it. "Extremely skilled." I explained. "I almost didn't make it out."

I could feel Mikasa's panic at my statement. She never liked me putting myself in danger as a distraction. And I had only barely made it out this time...

"You must be hungry, Eren." Armin said. "I'll contact our source to ask about the soldier."

Pods. I hated them. They felt like cages. But they were the only way to eat and drink without being exposed to the outside air. Once inside the pod, all exterior air was filtered, working just like our masks. So in this confined space, we were able to remove our masks to eat, drink, and sleep. 

I eyed the small piece of bread and bottle of water with a frown. This was all? Of course this was all... it was all that could be spared for a meal. Meanwhile, the military and scouts were in well furnished castles with an abundance of food and clean air. 

I thought back to the petite soldier. Was he enjoying himself right now with all the food he could eat and wine he could drink and clean air to breathe? Is that why he joined the scouts? For the privilege? Who was he...? 

Armin approached the exterior of my pod and halted. "You don't look so good, Eren." He said sadly.

"Yeah well, lack of food can do that to you." I huffed, finishing off the small piece of bread, my hunger not at all satisfied. "What did you find?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. You were right to say that soldier was dangerous." Armin shifted nervously. "They weren't able to find any files that fit his description."

"What?" I stood up. "How can that be?"

"He's dangerous, Eren. He's such an asset that they don't want us learning about him or his techniques. That means you don't need to make this personal. Just because he put up a fight doesn't mean you should go find him out of curiosity. It's not worth it until we know more about him."

A smirk twitched at the corner of my mouth. Armin knew me well. The soldier had really piqued my curiosity. Why didn't he have a file? Why was he so skilled? Why was he so short? A smile spread across my lips. I wanted to find him. I wanted to make him talk. What was with the mysterious attitude?

I ran a hand through my greasy hair and reached for my mask to exit the pod. "Right, right..."

"That wasn't convincing." Armin pointed out. "Where are you going to find him anyway?"

I shrugged, buckling my mask into place and letting the modulator set up. "Who knows. I'll find someone who can bring me to him. Or I'll check where all the scouts hang out." I clutched the key to my chest. "He was different."

Armin cocked his head to the side. "Yeah, you said that. How so?"

We walked together back to the main group, our footsteps echoing off the rounded ceilings of the empty subway. I glanced down as we passed the prisoners chained to the walls, most of them missing articles of clothing. One 104th was fucking one of the soldiers against the wall, but I looked only for a second. Their moans vibrated through their mask intercoms.

"Well. The scouts are trained to kill people like us." I started, shoving my hands in my jean pockets. "He didn't even pull his gun on me, Armin. He was trying to take me alive. And he would've too, if it hadn't been for Sasha."

"What would be the point of taking you alive?" Armin thought out loud.

"I don't know..." I sighed in frustration. Armin and I sat down on an old sofa and I crossed my legs, playing with my key necklace. It was like a symbol. A promise of escape. My father had given it to me before the government had taken him away on suspicions of aiding the 104th. It was only natural that I follow in his footsteps. If we fought hard enough, maybe one day we would get to live in that beautiful city next to the sea...

Though Mikasa was against it, Jean and I went out a few days later. I couldn't stand being in the underground for too many days at a time. I much preferred being out and about. The thrill of stealing and being chased by the scouts gave my life it's purpose. And lately, it was really the only thing that gave me any sort of pleasure. Alcohol and sex were nice and everything... but they didn't compare with the exhilaration of being at death's door. The pounding of your heart in your ears as you ran, never knowing if a bullet would hit you, never knowing if you'd get caught. This was the life. The life for me anyway. I would always fight and steal for survival. We all had the right to live. 

"Please tell me this is exactly what it looks like." Jean growled through his mask as he clicked fresh ammo into his gun. 

The two of us were sitting behind a dumpster, readying ourselves for the chase. Stealing was relatively easy in the city. It was the getting away part that got tricky. Sensors were extremely up to date in a way that even the black market couldn't hope to overcome yet. So getting caught sneaking out with something you hadn't bought was inevitable. But part of me was glad for this. What was the fun in just walking out with your stolen goods? The chase made it all worth it. 

"What are you talking about?" I ran a hand through my hair, rolling my shoulder a few times to make sure it wasn't too sore for running or climbing. 

I could imagine he was rolling his eyes at me from beneath his mask. The two of us only worked together when we were out on a mission like this. Any other time he was a pain in the ass. And an ugly horse-face too. 

"You know exactly what I'm talking about." He sounded irritated, but he kept his voice down, leaning closer to me. "We're just here to get food, right? We usually steal from the store closest to the underground, so what's the deal? Why this store?"

My gun clicked into action when I pushed in the ammo pack. It was true. Stealing from the closest stores meant more surveillance, but it allowed us a better chance of escape. Once we were inside the underground, the scouts couldn't touch us. But naturally, they knew we aimed for stores closest to that spot and had upped security in those areas for that very reason.

When I didn't answer, Jean scoffed and shook his head. "I should've known. This is about that guy that shot you isn't it?"

"He wasn't the one that shot me, but yeah, maybe it's about him." I huffed angrily, rolling my shoulder again. Area 14. That's where he had been a few nights ago when he attacked me in the alley. So, it wasn't really far off to assume we might see him after we robbed the convenience store. 

"You idiot!" Jean slapped me upside the head. "You brought me all the way to the area where their best officer patrols just so you can get revenge?" 

I stood, rubbing the spot Jean had hit me. I was tempted to slap him back, but we didn't really have time to be fighting each other. The area I could see through the dirty smog looked clear. The street was empty, abandoned. Trash fluttered in the gutters and dusty lamp post bulbs flickered. This was our reality. Impending death all around.

"Just do what we normally do, it'll be fine." I shrugged, taking off towards the convince store at a sprint and quickly climbing and heaving myself over the chain-linked fence. 

"Idiot! If you're caught we're not coming back for you!" I heard Jean's intercom call after me. Yeah, I knew that was a lie. That was part of the reason we all had the small radios attached to our hips at all times. They allowed us to read each other's location. Unlike the scouts, we valued our members' lives and would risk our own safety to save them. 

I couldn't help myself from laughing as I burst into the store, holding up my gun at the employee at the register. She yelped and held up her hands immediately. The way stores worked was sickening. You had to be properly analyzed and given a small ration card by the government that gave you a specific day, time, and place to get your food. And that was assuming you had the money to pay for it. So anyone who entered a convenience store at the wrong time or without a card was an immediate target for the scouts. They were already on their way.

My hands grabbed for a loaf of bread and a pack of frozen meat. You didn't want to carry too much or you'd be caught. I shoved the bread in my bag and ran out the front, tossing the meat to Jean. "Alright let's get out of here!" I yelled, throwing myself back over the chain linked fence and running across the street, weaving between run down, empty automobiles. 

"I think they're already on us!" Jean huffed as he caught up with me, adjusting the bag on his back. 

I gave him a little laugh of confidence. "Good!" 

The roofs. Above us I could hear the scouts' intercoms as they ran after us. Was he with them? I hoped so. In moments they were down on the ground too, aiming their guns at us.

"Split! Meet you back!" I yelled at Jean, running in the opposite direction. Alright, here was my chance. I headed in the direction of Area 13. Listening carefully to the footsteps on my trail, I dodged in between cars and buildings, their bullets barely missing me a few times. Three of them. No... only two!

Up ahead I saw a rusted fire escape. This building looked abandoned, the windows crashed in and the bricks cracked. Quickly, I climbed up the ladder and the rickety old stairs til I reached the third floor. My breathing was heavy, but they probably couldn't hear or see me below in the dark and the thick smog. Quietly, I hunched down, looking below through the tarnished bars of the fire escape. Two figures. Scouts.

"Dammit. We lost him!" I heard the first one say through a static mic. I recognized her voice and hair. Strawberry blonde. Small, but fast. Petra. 

"Go back that way, he's hiding in this area." The other one said. I held my breath as I listened to his voice. It was too far away to record, but I knew I hadn't heard it before. This must be the guy! Suddenly I was overwhelmed with excitement. It was just me and this mysterious officer. I'd have to move eventually, or he'd find me. And when I did, he'd be on me in a heartbeat. I had to be ready.

My fingers clutched tightly at the straps of my backpack. Jean had probably easily gotten away by now. Good. Finally running out of air, I let out a loud exhale, my intercom sizzling with sound. The officer below snapped his head in my direction and I stood, waving patronizingly down at him. "Come and get me, shorty!" 

Without looking back, I climbed the rest of the way up the fire escape to the roof. A brick fell away when I used it for leverage. Dammit. Even a second of hesitation could get you caught in this game. With a grunt, I pulled myself up the rest of the way and dashed across the roof, preparing myself to leap to the next one in sight through the smoke. I tried to listen to his footsteps. Behind me? Or still on the ground? My breathing was too loud to tell.

I heaved myself through the air, rolling onto the next building. I had landed on my good shoulder, but it still sent a shooting pain through to the bullet wound, probably ripping it back open. I felt blood spilling down my back. I stumbled back onto my feet, but it was too late. The scout had climbed up the fire escape on the other side and had me blocked, his Ak-47 drawn and aimed at me. My shoes skidded as I halted, throwing my arms up. 

"Don't shoot!" I yelled to him. We were standing ten or twelve feet apart before he slowly, cautiously, starting inching forward, not taking his aim or his vision off of me. Yes, I had been right. Even though he had pulled his gun on me, he hadn't shot me. He was sparing me... and I didn't know why. With each step he took towards me, I felt an increase in anticipation. Would he speak? I studied him. He really was shaped like a woman: petite. Probably 5'3", no 5'2". His hair was jet black and parted slightly to the left, blowing faintly in the smoggy wind. 

"So, you gonna say anything?" I asked in a teasing tone. "Or are you just going to straddle me like last time?" 

"Tch." He lowered his gun and marched up to me, grabbing the radio from my belt and smashing it on the ground, grinding his heel into it. 

I was so taken aback by his reaction that I didn't even move. Dammit. He was smart enough to take out my radio! Now the others wouldn't be able to read my location and I wouldn't be able to get ahold of a recording of his voice. This guy was pretty smart. He knew more about us than I gave him credit for. I underestimated him. 

When I regained my senses his gun was already aimed back at my face. I couldn't help but noticed how his clothes stretched tightly over his slim, muscular frame. Though he was small, he was strong. Had a pretty nice body.

"Why don't you kill me?" I finally asked. 

He hesitated, shifting his weight to his other foot. His intercom hissed awake as he finally took in a breath to speak.

"You have something I need." Came his deep, commanding voice. It was scratchy, hoarse. But something about it was aesthetically pleasing to my ears. I had never heard a voice like it.

"What's your name?" I asked with a small smile. I was far more interested in him than I was the situation. I had to learn more about him. The standoff was exhilarating.

He didn't answer my question, instead reaching for his own radio which was fastened to his left thigh. Dammit. I didn't really want him calling anyone else, especially since that decreased my probability of escape. He wouldn't shoot... It was an incredible risk to take. One flick of his finger and I'd be dead. But he wouldn't shoot. I was sure of it. Quickly, I dashed forward, ripping the radio from his thigh and smashing it on the ground beside my own broken one. 

"There." I huffed. "Now we're even."

"Shitty brat." He spat. Yeah that's right. I called your bluff. "They'll be here any second anyway." 

I liked his voice. Full of disgust, anger, and resentment, not just for me, but for the whole situation. It was gritty, down to earth, dominant. Knowing the gun was useless now, he threw it back over his shoulder and stepped forward, winding his knee into my stomach.

With a sickening lurch, I crumpled to the ground in front of him. He didn't give me a moment to breath before slamming the heel of his shoe into my jaw. I didn't try to get up, only giggled on the ground, looking up at him. What sort of face was he hiding under that mask? What sort of pain was in his eyes? I wanted to see.

"Hey, why don't you kill me?!" I repeated, flipping my hair from my brow. "Or maybe you liked our little game last time. I'd like to play again." I teased, my smirk evident in my tone. Playfully, I ran my hand from his ankle to his knee before he swatted his foot away from my touch with a disgusted snort. His calf had a nice curve to it.

"Shut up." He growled, kneeling down to weave his hand in my hair, pulling it taut. "Where is it?" 

I scratched at his wrist, but he held firm. "I don't know what you're talking about." I snarled back. So annoying. He wasn't giving me anything to go off of. But at least I had him talking now. Something about that voice... I wanted to hear it say my name.

"The key."

I blinked. The key? How the hell did he know about that? That was just something my father had left me... it didn't have any true significance. Did it? He must have noticed my reaction, because he tightened his grip on my hair, pulling a grunt of pain from my throat. 

"Where is it?"

Around my neck, moron. But I couldn't let him know that. If this key did have importance, I couldn't let a scout get ahold of it! Not before I knew what it truly was. Ok. Time to distract him. Now was probably a good time to escape since his colleagues would find us soon anyway. Distraction... distraction... 

I smirked.

"You know you're pretty short, but I like it." I flirted, running a hand down his chest. "Kiss me and I'll tell you." 

I felt his body tense and his fingers loosen in my hair. He uttered a small noise of surprise at my words. Did that fluster him? 

Cute.

I took the opportunity to get away while he was off guard. I sprinted past him and threw myself over the side of the roof, sliding down a drain pipe that threatened to come off of the building completely under my weight. I jumped the last two feet to the ground and then he disappeared into the smog behind me.


	2. Area 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope anyone reading this is enjoying it so far. I wanted to put a little warning before this chapter that there is some graphic violence and hints of masochism. Also some sexual content. The rating of this story is explicit for these reasons, but I thought I'd put a warning before all that actually started !  
> I hope everyone enjoys !

"It's infected." Mikasa said, her tone not at all happy. "Armin, do we have any of that antibiotic solution?" 

"Yeah, we have a little left." Armin replied, tossing her the bottle.

I hissed through my teeth as she applied the liquid to the wound on my back. None of them were very pleased with me for being so careless, especially after getting my radio shattered to bits and not even bringing back the parts for possible repair. 

"What you did was really stupid, Eren." Jean spat, grabbing a bottle of water and heading off towards the pods. 

"I got the bread, didn't I?" I called after him, rubbing the back of my neck.

I couldn't get the scene out of mind. The roof. The way his hair blew in the wind. The way he couldn't shoot me. His voice. 

"The key." He had said to me.

My hand absentmindedly reached up to clutch the golden key nestled against my chest. The mysterious officer. He had the answers to it all. What my father had left me with. He had spared me because of this little piece of metal... 

"Hey Armin." I called. His head flipped around to look at me, his blonde bangs falling over his brow. "You know that girl officer? Petra?"

"The red-head?" He asked, kneeling down to work on the wires behind the television. There were a tangled mess of colored wires spilling out of the back of the set. How he would ever get them connected correctly, I would never know.

"Yeah. She was with him. Look, I know you all think it was stupid of me, but that scout knows something about me. About... my father."

Armin glanced up at me, though I couldn't see his facial expression through the mask. 

"Anyway, she was with him." I explained.

"I'll look into it. But, Eren, please be careful... If you get caught you know we can't save you." His hand rested on my shoulder to get his point across.

I pulled away from him. "Yeah I know." 

It was over a week before I saw him again. After my little ploy with Jean, the others wouldn't let me out of the underground until a new radio was bought from the black market. That could take days. And knowing Armin, he'd probably make it last as long as he could to keep me off the streets and safely below ground. Annoying.

I spent most of my time up in building, trying to find something to fill my boring days. Gambling was always a good past time. Well, that is if your mind isn't occupied with wanting to be somewhere else...

My mind drifted back to that time on the roof. His voice in my ear. What did he know about me? About the key? I had to find him again to ask him these things. Make him tell me. I spent a lot of time trying to devise a plan to capture him like we had done with some of the other scouts. But that was an extremely difficult task, especially when it came to their most experienced officer. 

The night I saw him I was upstairs watching people trade and gamble. None of the prostitutes bothered getting rooms here. They would have sex anywhere and everywhere for all to see, if they so desired. The whole idea disgusted me: people having to sell their bodies to survive. 

"Hey, Eren." A feminine voice spoke next to me. I looked down to see a short girl, dressed scantily, her blonde hair pulled back in a low ponytail. Historia. One of the victims that worked here at the underground. "I've been seeing a lot of you, lately."

She leaned against the wall next to me and I shrugged. She was probably smiling at me from beneath her mask. I had only seen her face once when she removed it to kiss me. But that had been when we first met and she was trying to seduce me. Before she knew I was a 104th. 

"You haven't heard?" I asked with a roll of my eyes. "I'm looking for an officer. When I went off by myself to find him, my radio broke. Armin and the others won't let me out of here til a new one arrives." A heavy sigh escaped my lips.

She nodded slowly as she pulled her blonde ponytail over her shoulder. "The unnamed scout?" 

I blinked down at her. "Yes... what do you know about him?"

She shifted from side to side, tilting her head back and forth in a childish sort of way. Oh, right. She wasn't just going to tell me. This was her job after all. Aside from seducing, the girls who worked in the underground were incredible keepers of local gossip. If you wanted to know anything about anybody, they would know. I hadn't thought of asking since I didn't think anyone would have information on the "unnamed scout." 

With a roll of my eyes, I pulled some spare change from my pocket and placed it in her hand. These days, even that was extremely high in value. "There. That enough for you? You realize he has information about my father right? This is kind of important."

She giggled, dumping the change into her pocket. "Ohhhh... I thought you were... you know."

"No... I don't know. What?" 

"Well, you know. I thought you took a liking to him." 

"What?" Suddenly I felt defensive. What gave her that idea? I mean sure I had liked playing with him but that was all. "That's not it! I don't even know anything about the guy." I huffed. 

"He's an insomniac." She said.

"Why's that important?"

"It's important... because that means he's out patrolling into the early hours of the morning. Without his squad." I sensed her tone, bragging how much she knew about the man no one seemed to know anything about.

"Oh I get it..." I replied. "If only someone knew what areas he patrolled at what time." 

She held up her hand with a shrug. "If only."

With an exasperated sigh I placed another handful of coins into her hand. She really knew how to get what she wanted. Well, I didn't really expect anything less of her. "He actually comes into the underground briefly every night after midnight to purchase cigarettes. He then goes on patrol through Area 4 after his squad retires." 

Area 4. I had only been there a couple of times. It was so far from the underground that those in the 104th never really dared to travel that far out of range of safety. There were probably other gangs similar to ours in different sections of the city, this being one of them. The 104ths were around the 12th, 13th, and 14th areas. I could imagine ours was one of the larger, more successful gangs.

I knew it was risky. Damn might be the riskiest thing I had ever done: traveling out that far into the city on foot, without a radio, and without anyone knowing. But I needed answers. But I also knew a part of me was intrigued by this particular scout. 

"I can't go out that far by myself. Especially without a radio." I had complained to Historia.

"No one has to know." She had replied.

Damn her. She knew if she said it out loud I wouldn't be able to resist. Whatever. If I ended up getting caught, so be it. My life had been nothing but hiding and running up until this point. The excitement of trying something new was a good enough reason to risk my life. There wasn't much of a life to risk anyway.

I moved on foot, quickly and quietly through the dark shadows of the night. Lamp posts flickered, trash blew faintly in the breeze, and smog hovered around every corner. Area 4 looked even more run down than our side of town. People were scarce, inhabitable buildings even scarcer. Ruins and remains of old homes sat abandoned in long lonely rows, street signs rusted and bent to the point that they were unreadable. 

Scouts became rarer and rarer the deeper I traveled into the area. My shoulder began to ache, a low throb in my shoulder blade. I played nervously with the end of a bandaid wrapped around my thumb. It wasn't too late to turn back. I could still make it back without being seen or heard. No one had to know where I had gone or what I had tried to do. 

Just as these thoughts started to appeal to me, I heard footsteps. They were distant, but in this ghost town any sound could be heard if you listened hard enough. Breathing through a static intercom. Could it be him? "The unnamed scout?" Carefully, I edged closer to the noises, creeping against brick walls, dust crumbling to the ground with even the slightest touch. The movement was coming from an alley nearby. I ducked down behind some old, stacked boxes, peeking over.

A small dark figure walked alone through the small passage between houses. I watched as it stopped and leaned against the wall. What was he doing? After a moment, I saw his hands detach the back of his gas mask, raising it just enough to slip a cigarette in between his lips. I couldn't make out his features. He was only a misty silhouette in the darkness. 

It was an extremely rare occurrence to see someone smoking a cigarette, especially outside of the safety of a pod. The sticks were extremely hard to come by, even through the underground, just because there was no demand. With the toxic air, nobody wanted to take the chance of making their lungs worse than they probably already were from low-grade exposure. 

This guy didn't seem to mind. I watched as smoke slipped from his lips, his shoulders relaxing with each puff. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he was an insomniac. Historia had mentioned that. So... he couldn't sleep? I couldn't help but wonder why. 

In my fascination of his movements, I accidentally let my hand slip, touching a chain linked fence next to me. He immediately dropped the cigarette, pulled his mask back up and looked in my direction. He said nothing.

I quickly ducked down behind the boxes, my heart thumping loudly in my ears. Was my breathing as loud as it sounded in my head? If I sat still he wouldn't notice and go away. Silence. I couldn't hear a thing. Was he just standing there waiting? If I dared to look, I risked him seeing me... but wasn't that what I wanted? Some kind of confrontation? How else would I get answers?

Finally working up my nerve, I stood, facing his dark outline boldly. "Do you remember me?" I called into the darkness. 

He shifted, tensed. So he did. But he didn't pull his gun, only clenched his fists at his side. 

"I don't have a radio." I said, knowing he wouldn't speak to me unless he knew I wasn't recording him. Slowly, I inched towards him. "I want answers."

"How did you find me?" He snapped. I felt a shiver run down my spine at his harsh, deep tone and I halted, almost as if obeying an unspoken order. 

"Someone at the underground." I told him. "You're a hard guy to find."

I watched his movements, small but powerful. When his face turned to the side like that... was he avoiding my gaze? With the mask I couldn't tell. 

"I'd like to keep it that way." He marched forward, approaching me with a dominance I wouldn't have expected from such a petite person. "You made a mistake coming here. Get on the ground."

His command took me off guard, but I felt a smile twitch at the edge of my mouth. "Whatever you say." I said in a sing-songy voice, getting on my knees right in front of him. Playfully, I rested my hands on his hips and buried my nose in his stomach. His muscles tightened at my touch and in a moment he fell to the ground, swatting his calf across the concrete, knocking my knees out from under me. Catching me off balance, he pushed on my bad shoulder, ripping a cry from my throat. He had me pinned and yanked on my arms, snapping handcuffs over my wrists. Damn it! I struggled, kicking my legs wildly to try to throw him off me.

"Stop... ugh-!" He grunted as I managed to wedge my knee into his hip and thrust, flipping him off of me. With my hands bound behind my back, he was able to overcome me quickly, shoving me into the nearest pile of abandoned trash. In an instant, he was on top of me, slamming his fist into the soft spot behind my ear. 

My vision blurred and my ears rang. When I came to my senses, I was on my knees, my hands still bound behind me, but around a telephone pole sticking crookedly out of the ground. I glanced up through the tinted glass of my mask to see the scout standing above me, arms crossed, his stance incredibly dominating.

I coughed, bending over with sudden nausea. Had he kicked me in the stomach? "Ugn..." I groaned softly, the handcuffs clinking against the pole as I tested my range of movement. Not enough. "Tell me about... my father." I spoke groggily. I felt blood trickling down my wrist. I must've scraped it at some point during our squabble.

His head angled in my direction. "He's dead." 

Though I had assumed as much, my breath still caught in my throat and I groaned out a painful sound. Dad was dead... Somehow I had always known and yet, the words still hit me with a shocking blow. 

"Your turn." The soldier knelt down and forced me to look at him by pulling my head up by my hair. "What did he leave you?" 

I heard his question, but was more interested in his voice. So deep and menacing... I liked it. I liked the way he was roughly pulling on my hair. Something was extremely exciting about being tied up and questioned by him out in the middle of the street. I had to know more about him. I was dying to tear him apart layer by layer until I knew what made him tick.

A small, hoarse laugh escaped my lips. "I already told you I'd tell you everything for a kiss."

I felt his hand clench tighter in my hair and he let out a surprised breath. Wow, he was easy to get a reaction out of. Guess he didn't have much experience with flirting. "Tch. Brat." He growled, standing up above me. Adrenaline rushed through my body in anticipation of the hit. His foot slammed into my stomach and I doubled over with a sickening gurgle, which slowly evolved into breathless laughter. My forehead rested against the ground as I panted below him. I could feel blood dripping from my left nostril. 

"What the hell are you laughing at...?" He said in a repulsed tone. "Tell me or I'll remove your mask and watch you suffocate." 

The blood drained from my head. Why did that sound exhilarating? If I pushed him far enough would he actually do it? I snickered below him, finding the strength to sit back up straight so I could look up at him. His hands were clenched and he trembled slightly. Anger? I couldn't help but feel like a little kid teasing him.

"Are you curious?" I asked, leaning my head against the pole, my chest still heaving from being kicked so many times. "Wanna see how cute I am under the mask? Don't fall in love with me, officer."

"That- that's not-" Was he stammering? That was cute.

Both of us heard it at the same time. A small noise not far off from where we were. We both went silent. He walked behind me, pulling a pistol from his thigh holster and aiming it at my head. We both watched through the thick smog as six or seven figures emerged. My eyes widened. The 104ths! How did they find me? Sure I had been gone for hours now, but without my radio there was no way they'd find me here!

Historia.

Damn her. I swallowed nervously. They could all see me tied up with him hovering over me... This was humiliating. I bit my lip as blood rushed to my cheeks. His hand was entangled in my hair, his pistol grinding into my temple. Suddenly my breathing became heavy and the air felt humid. All of them were watching...

"Take the scout alive." Mikasa ordered to the others. "Let him go!" She then cried to the officer.

His hand only tightened. 

"Stop, Mikasa." I called back. "He won't talk to you."

Armin aimed his gun at the scout. "Move away or I'll shoot!" 

"Stop it, Armin!" I cried. "I know what I'm doing!" 

Suddenly, he wasn't beside me anymore. He had rushed forward in full on attack, taking out the ones caught by surprise with his pistol, then moving in for physical combat with the others. He was fast. I watched as he swung his leg around in an agile strike, hitting jaws and then punching them to the ground to finish them off, one by one. His flexibility and speed allowed him to weave in around them, taking them out as they stood in surprise. Four out of the seven had already fallen, though he had hit them all with incredible accuracy to keep them alive. 

I was distracted by Armin kneeling beside me, trying to pick the lock of the handcuffs. The scout was in a one on one fight with Mikasa. 

"Armin, what are you guys doing?" I growled under my breath. 

"Saving you!"

"I don't want to be saved!" I cried. "Don't you see, he was about to tell me about my father!" 

Armin paused for a moment, his head angled downwards. I blinked. What made him stop? I glanced to my lap. I had a visible erection through my pants. My eyes widened. 

"It's- It's not what it looks like-" I tried to explain.

Armin didn't reply as he got my hands loose. Quickly, we retreated, leaving the others behind. Armin dragged me to the car, which we only used for quick get aways. They must have driven it all the way here to get me. The fallen scouts were stumbling behind us. The next thing I knew we were driving away from the scene, Mikasa making it into the moving vehicle at the last moment. The scout was left behind in the dust. 

Shower pods were probably the same as any other pod, just with tinted glass, so no one could see in. That meant we could shower without our gas masks, since fresh air was filtered through. Four 104ths were stationed outside the pod as I showered. Annoying. I didn't ask them to come save me. I didn't ask them to sacrifice themselves. And yet they all insisted on getting involved. In my next free moment I would do it again. My father... I vaguely remembered him. But now it looked like he was important to the government. He had left something to me that they wanted. And unless I knew what that was, I would never understand myself.

But maybe that wasn't the only reason I kept seeking out that soldier.

I thought back to how close we'd been, the way his hand clutched my hair, the way his foot hit my stomach, the way his hips felt in my hands. I swallowed as my stomach fluttered. When he tied me up and humiliated me, abused me, I had... liked it. I leaned against the pod wall, closing my eyes to remember the details of the interrogation, that feeling of nervous anticipation as he readied himself to kick me.

I remembered his deep, throaty grunts as he swung at me. My hand trailed over the bruises on my stomach and side, my other hand caressing the broken skin where he had punched me under my ear. Suddenly my breath was heavy. His voice echoed in my ear as he threatened to suffocate me.

Yes. Suffocate me. Abuse me. Humiliate me... the way I had been tied up with him dominating me... The way they had all seen me on my knees below him... A weak whimper left my lips at the realization that I was aroused by this sick fantasy. What was wrong with me...

I bit my lip harshly as I pressed one hand to the wall, the other sliding between my legs to fondle myself. I tasted blood as I tried to keep my noises soft enough to be drowned out by the flowing water. I imagined him tying me up, kicking me and hitting me when I refused to answer his questions. I imagined him being close enough for me to smell his soft, flowery scent and touch his delicate feminine frame. I imagined his hand in my hair as he teased me, playing with me roughly. His voice was in my ear, his soft skin pressed against mine, his hidden eyes devouring every part of me, ripping me apart from the inside out. 

A low groan left my lips as I orgasmed. I pumped myself until I had finished, panting against the wall and hiding my eyes in my palms from shame. Did I just... orgasm while thinking of a guy? 

Maybe I deserved to be chained up with the captured scouts. Armin said it was the only way to keep me out of trouble. The others all agreed that for the safety of the other 104ths, I shouldn't be allowed out of their sight for a while. After realizing how perverted I was after my friends and partners got injured saving me, I didn't fight against them. I needed to clear my head anyways. 

Armin knelt down beside me after I had been locked into place. "Just let us know if you need anything." He said. "Someone will come get you once a day to let you eat, drink, shower, and use the restroom." 

I nodded, but didn't reply.

"Eren... what's your relationship with that scout..." He started.

I knew he was referring back to the erection he had caught me with back in the alleyway. It probably didn't look good. But the truth was there was no relationship. I didn't know anything about him, besides his sleeping habits. "It's complicated." I replied. "But he knows about my father. The government wants me alive because of the key. It's got some kind of importance."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "I see... but is that really all?"

I blinked. "What did Historia tell you?"

"She told me enough for me to know that there's more to this than just information." Armin placed a tender hand on my arm. "You know you can talk to me."

Yeah, I knew that. And maybe I would. But I wasn't sure of what I was feeling and how do you even confess the perverted things I had thought about and done? No, I couldn't tell Armin. I couldn't tell anyone. I just needed to clear my mind and get it out of my system. It meant nothing.


	3. 3 Nights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is doing well! I don't really have much to say about this chapter except there's a lot more interaction between Eren and Levi ! I know I've been looking forward to developing their relationship. I hope everyone likes it ! <3

By the sixth day, I was sick of it. We rationed our food, only getting one slice of bread a day. Last week that had been barely sufficient. But now, I could barely stomach the whole thing. It felt like wasting, but if I ate anymore I knew I'd be sick. Maybe it was the inactivity. Sitting in the same spot for six days could do that to you right? A sigh hissed through my mask as I leaned my head against the rough brick wall. My back hurt. My ass hurt. I wanted to sleep in my pod. 

Armin and Jean came over to keep me company, as they had all done on previous days. It was probably weird not having their leader around all the time. But it was their decision to keep me under their noses like this. And even though I had agreed to it, the whole thing was really pissing me off now. I wanted out. I wanted answers. I wanted to go above ground more than anything.

"Hey, Eren." Armin said sweetly.

"Don't be nice to him." Jean scoffed, crossing his arms. Wow, I really hated him.

Armin sat down next to me as Mikasa came over, playing with her red scarf. "So I did some asking." Armin began.

"Turns out your mysterious officer is actually a captain." Jean broke in.

"That's right." Armin replied. "He's a captain of his own individual squad, the special operations squad, picked out for him by the head of the scouts, Erwin Smith."

Erwin Smith. Yeah I knew that name. That guy had a bad habit of actually coming out into the streets. He was smart and when he was around, we weren't. If we risked it with him around, we were certain to get caught or killed. 

"Petra is one of four that work under him."

I nodded, trying not to show too much interest. Truth was, I wanted to know more. I wanted to ask if there was anything else they had found about him. But I couldn't look too eager. Especially after what Armin had suspected already.

"Great..." I replied with a sigh. "So uh... how do you guys feel about letting me upstairs?"

They all went silent for a minute or two. Wow. Guess they really didn't trust me after last time. 

"Come on, guys!" I cried. "I can't sit here anymore. At least let me go upstairs. I won't leave, I swear." 

Mikasa stepped forward. "I'll go with him, that way I can keep an eye on him."

"Would you get off my back?" I pouted. It had only been a few minutes of being upstairs, but Mikasa clung to me like some sort of animal. "I'm not going anywhere." Angrily, I shoved off, putting my hands in my pockets as I approached the middle of the room. The bar. Other rooms branched off from this central location. The building was one story. An old school or hospital maybe. All the windows had been boarded up long ago in past attempts to keep out the toxic air. Of course it did nothing. 

Since then, pool tables were spread out and people hung around all the time, wandering around the halls and rooms of the place. But the main trading and gambling section took place in the front, near the doors. 

It wasn't long before Historia sidled up to me as I leaned against the far wall, watching the scenery before me and staying in eyesight of Mikasa so she wouldn't freak. 

"Sorry I told them-" She started.

"Forget it." I sighed. "What time is it?"

She glanced down at her watch. Broken. But still working to some degree. Time wasn't usually on our minds around here. It wasn't like we had appointments or dates. Most probably couldn't even read a clock. It just wasn't needed in our world. Or at least... it wasn't needed for most people.

"Nearly midnight." She said. "Guess they've been keeping you locked up for a while now, huh? Sorry."

I shrugged. Nearly midnight. I tried to trick myself into believing it wasn't important. But I couldn't help but remember what Historia had told me the last time I had seen her. 

"He actually comes into the underground briefly every night after midnight to purchase cigarettes." She had told me.

Wonder if he still did that after what happened last week. He would probably find another area to patrol so we couldn't find him as easily. Probably didn't come in for cigarettes anymore either after I told him I found him because of someone from the underground.

"Hey, Eren." She teased. "You can ask about him. I won't make you pay this time." 

Damn her. She read me like a book. Could everyone see? I tried not to seem interested and yet she knew exactly what I was after. My hand raised to clutch the key nestled under my shirt. 

"I don't know who you're talking about." I replied.

She scoffed and pushed off the wall, threatening to walk away. "Fine. Then I won't tell you what he said about you."

My heart skipped a beat. What? He had said something about me? To Historia? Or to someone else? Questions shot through my brain faster than I could comprehend them. Was he trying to find me? Suddenly pretending to be uninterested seemed stupid. 

"What? What did he say?" I asked forcefully. "Did you talk to him?" She laughed. Was she toying with me? Blood rushed to my cheeks and I crossed my arms. "Not funny, Historia." 

"Aww... don't get upset, he actually did ask about you." She said.

"Don't believe you."

"Believe me! He asked Marco if you came around here often. Marco gave him a vague answer and he asked where he could find you."

I swallowed, my eyes wide. "What did Marco say?"

"He told him he would find you here." She replied. Both of us were silent for a minute. I hadn't thought he had taken any interest in me. Maybe he didn't... maybe this was just a ploy to get information out of me. But I couldn't help but let hope swell in my chest. My cheeks were hot... Why did this whole thing excite me? After what happened in Area 4, I was sure I would never get another chance alone with him. Now was my chance. We could meet here. And it was even better because it was out of danger for both of us. Scouts couldn't arrest 104ths in the safety of the underground. And 104ths never dared to harm scouts in the underground either. It was like a sanctuary...

"Don't look now, Eren, but he's here for his daily purchase of cigarettes." Historia said quietly into my ear. 

I glanced up and quickly picked him out of the crowd. The lighting was dim, but I could make out his unique form nonetheless. Across the room, he leaned against the wall, talking to a much taller guy who was trading him a stack of bills for cigarettes. Though the stack of bills was extremely rare to see for scoundrels like us, I was more distracted by his appearance. Of course he was still wearing a gas mask, but he had removed his scout uniform and wore only a long sleeved, high necked shirt. Through it I could see his delicate curves even better than before. Fingerless gloves covered the palms of his hands as he shoved the small package of three or four sticks into his back pocket. I watched as he hesitated, his head moving in different directions as though looking for someone. Looking for someone... could it be me? Suddenly his head was facing my direction. We made eye contact. Though we couldn't see each other's eyes through our masks, I knew we were looking at each other. My heart thumped angrily in my throat.

"Oh no- he's looking at you-" Historia said.

"I can't-" I stammered. "Mikasa..." She was watching me. Surely she would see me go to him and quickly break us apart, dragging be back below ground and not let me leave for another week. No I couldn't risk it...

"I'll distract her." Historia suggested.

"For free?" I asked doubtfully.

"You'll owe me one."

That was enough for me. Historia and I split, going our separate ways to carry out our little plan. What was I going to say to him? What was he going to say to me? Six days... It had seemed like an eternity since what happened in Area 4. I was sure I was over whatever strange feelings I had then. This was solely for the purpose of finding out about the key and its meaning to the government. That was all...

In a moment, I was standing in front of him, my eyes trained on him. He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, one leg bent, and his head relaxed on his muscular shoulders. His body was tense, as if ready to attack at any moment. 

"I uh... heard you were looking for me." I started.

He shifted his weight to his other leg, not replying at first. After I leaned up against the wall next to him, he spoke. "I wasn't." Denying it? It wasn't likely it was a lie... People didn't lie about things like that in this city. What would be the point? No, he had been here and he had asked. So why was he lying about it?

I glanced down at him. "Why do you buy cigarettes?"

He didn't answer.

"Is it because you have trouble sleeping?" I asked. 

His breath hitched and his head immediately snapped in my direction. "What? How did you-"

Ah! So I was right! I couldn't help but let out a small laugh. It was cute when I caught him off guard. "I know more about you than you think." I said, edging a bit closer to him.

In response he edged away from me without answering. His face looked away from me and his hands clenched either arm tightly. Was he... angry? Maybe nervous.

"For example. I know you have a high value for human life." I edged closer and this time he didn't move away. I could tell he was trying not to show his surprise in my words. But anyone would've noticed it had they payed attention during the scene a week ago. Any other scout wouldn't have hesitated to kill all of the 104ths present. But this one preserved every single life. Even if someone had been hit by a bullet, it was in a spot that wouldn't kill them. 

His face angled in my direction. Stupid mask. I wanted to see the expression underneath it. What was he thinking? What was he feeling? "Shut up." He replied coldly, letting his arms drop and standing up straight in his strangely dominant way. "There's no point in talking. You have what I need. So I'll wait til you're out of this stupid 'sanctuary' and then rip it out of you." He growled.

I swallowed, clenching my fists. Why did he have to say it like that? His threat made every inch of me want to pull him outside and let him do those things to me. Fine. Take it! Rip it out of me, like you said. I want you to.

"Let's make a deal." I offered.

He scoffed and placed a hand on his hip, jingling the handcuffs that were hooked on his belt. "A deal." 

"Yeah, a deal." 

"No."

"Why?"

"I don't make deals with scum." 

The next night, I convinced Mikasa to take me upstairs again. They were all suspicious of me, I could tell. Sasha even asked me to spill it in private. There was nothing to spill... We had just talked. And it hadn't gotten anywhere, so it didn't even matter. All I knew was that if the other 104ths caught me with this guy again, it really wouldn't look good for me. But even knowing that, I couldn't keep myself away. Everything about him was intriguing. 

Historia helped me out again once we spotted him paying for cigarettes. Guess he smoked all the ones he bought in a day. Wasn't that really bad for your lungs? Maybe he shared them with his squad... This time he wore a grey long sleeved, v-neck t-shirt neatly over his tight blue jeans. No police belt this time. 

I was suspicious of Historia for helping me out. Who knew what kind of favor she'd have in store for me for this. However, I approached him again, just as last time. His body stiffened when he realized my presence. Guess he didn't expect me to be here every night.

"Stop following me." He spoke coldly, reaching up to unbuckle his mask from behind and lift it up to slip a cigarette in between his lips. My eyes trailed from his exposed lips all the way to his collarbone. Such pale skin... smooth too. A part of me just wanted to bite into it to make a pretty red mark on that flawless white canvas. 

I shook the thoughts from my head. Damn it. I had to stop... I wasn't attracted to him. After all, he was a guy. No. I had to focus on the important stuff. 

"I can't give you what you want if you don't tell me what it is." I said with a frustrated sigh. 

He blew smoke from his lips before bringing the stick back to his mouth and sucking on it. When he was finished, he pulled his mask back down over his mouth and coughed a few times through the intercom. "Whatever he left you." He grunted, his voice scratchy from the cigarette smoke mixed with whatever toxins he had breathed in from the air. 

"Maybe he didn't leave me anything..." Suddenly the key felt heavy around my neck. 

He didn't answer me, pushing off the wall to head for the exit. Shit. We hadn't gotten any farther than the last time! With a sudden surge of frustration, I grabbed his shoulder, pulling him back to the wall and trapping him in between my arms. He sucked in a tight breath, his entire body going rigid and ready to beat me off of him. We stayed like that in silence for a moment. What had I just done? There was only a thin space between us now, the wall trapping him close to me. 

"I'll tell you." I finally said, dejected. Why? Why would I tell him? Just to make him stay? Just to talk to him a second longer? Just to learn a little bit more about him? 

He didn't answer me.

We were both breathing heavier than a moment ago and the air between us felt hot. I felt a smile spread across my lips. "All it takes is a kiss." I said teasingly.

I saw him swallow before shoving me off of him with that powerful force so unexpected from his small frame. In a moment he had me by the shirt and had slammed me against the wall where he had been just a moment before. "Don't mess with me, kid." He breathed in a frightening whisper. "Take one step out of this place and I'll bring you right in. They'll torture you until you tell them everything. Just wait."

I frowned. "Not interested, then. The only way they're getting anything out of me is through you." I said it before thinking. What the hell did that even mean? But I knew it to be true, even if I hadn't meant to say it out loud.

The third night, Historia was less inclined to help me distract Mikasa. Mikasa was starting to get suspicious anyway, Historia claimed. I banged the back of my head against the wall in frustration. He was across the room and I couldn't get to him. 

"I was only helping because it was interesting." Historia admitted. "I'll help if you'll finally make a move."

Make a move? What the hell? Was she... playing some kind of sick matchmaking game? So now she wasn't going to help unless it was interesting for her to watch? 

"That's really sick, you know that?" I shook my head.

She pouted for a second. "Last time." She emphasized. 

Last time. Last night. Last chance. Alright. This was it. I needed a plan. Maybe... maybe I should just be honest. My hand rubbed the back of my neck. Why was I nervous? No, there was nothing to be nervous about. 

He was so cold and menacing towards me. I could never get a reaction out of him unless it was physical or flirtatious. Fine then. If that's what it took, then that's what I was willing to do. Beat him at his own game. If he was too flustered to reject me, then I could get him to agree to my terms. 

I caught him as he was headed towards the exit. I quickly noticed his outfit: dark combat pants tucked into combat boots, a black turtle neck tucked neatly into his police belt. His hair was always perfectly combed and never matted or greasy. Always clean. He must shower at least once a day! 

He angled to walk around me, but I blocked his path. 

"I'm going to tell you about what my father left me." I said. I wasn't really planning on it, but I figured it would give him a good reason to hear me out, even if for a few minutes. He hesitated, his face glancing around us. What? Was he scared of people overhearing? 

His fingers twisted into my forearm, dragging me across the room to a dark corner. "Why?" He asked, angrily crossing his arms.

Perfect.

I stepped a bit closer to him. "Because I like you." I teased.

"What-" He replied between clenched teeth. Even his intercom sizzled with anger. Carefully, I leaned closer until I had him trapped in the corner. 

Suddenly it wasn't a game anymore. I felt it... that overwhelming feeling of desire rushing through me, my heartbeat thundering in my ears, and blood draining from my head. His pale skin shone beautifully in those small exposed places. His stance, his raven hair, the way his waist was smaller than his hips. I liked it all... Why had I thought I was the one with the upper hand here? Just him standing in front of me was enough to drive me crazy. With a shaky breath, I reached my hands to slip around his slender waist. Just as my fingers brushed his shirt, his hands clamped over my wrists.

"Stop it." He stammered quietly. His voice had lost the dominance it had before... it was raw, naked, exposed. He was... afraid. 

"Why?" 

"You take the joke too far." He choked out, chest moving up and down involuntarily with unnatural breathing. His fingers tightened around my wrists, his nails digging into the skin. Yes... deeper. Scratch them. Make them bleed. 

"Maybe it's not a joke." I heard myself say. His hands didn't leave my wrists, but he pulled back his forcefulness just enough to allow my hands to rest on his hips. His head was cast downwards. I moved slowly and meticulously. One impulsive move and he'd run away like a scared animal. I heard his shaky breathing as my hands delicately untucked his shirt. His whole body was stiff, his nails piercing the skin of my wrists like some kind of claw. Was he really this sensitive to being touched? If he had disliked it, he would've kicked me off of him already. He was curious.

My hands slipped under his shirt, caressing the warm, soft skin underneath. At first, he flinched away from the coldness of my hands, but after a moment, he let out a pent up breath and relaxed into my touch, letting his hands move from my wrists to my shoulders. Slowly, I moved my fingers up his back, feeling his spine. God... how could someone's skin be so smooth and flawless? I was hot. My eyes were glazed over and my cheeks burned as my hands caressed that slim muscular body. Slowly, softly. He fit perfectly in my arms.

"Stop..." I heard his voice choke out. But he didn't really want me to stop. He moved his hands to my elbows to try and pull my hands off him, but it was a weak attempt. He was stronger than that. Had he really wanted me to stop he would've made me.

Desire soaked through me the longer my hands roamed his back. I had gotten excited and impatient. I pressed up against him, connecting our hips. He let out a soft sound of surprise before grabbing me to make me stop. 

"Let's make a deal." He said.


	4. Nothing to Lose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! So this is a pretty long chapter haha ! I just had a lot I wanted to fit into this chapter so. I'm really enjoying where it's going and I hope everyone else is liking it too! <3

Sleep was impossible. 

I spent hours playing his words over and over in my mind as I lay in my sleeping pod.

His hands had forcefully clutched my arms in an attempt to grab my attention. "We can't talk here." He had said. "Tomorrow after dark. Meet me in Area 16. It's been mostly abandoned and deconstructed. You'll see the warehouse. Don't get caught and don't bring your friends this time."

Sleeping pods were small, cramped. It was a small twin-sized bed with a round glass covering that locked in place once you laid down. You couldn't sit up or you'd bang your head. I had never liked them. Wonder what it felt like to sleep in a big open room without a mask and without a pod. He probably knew. After all, the scouts had high status which allowed them to live on the clean side of the wall. Right now he was probably sleeping peacefully in a beautiful room with golden furniture and expensive drapes leading to a balcony that looked over the sea...

A sigh escaped my lips as I brought my hands to my face. It was stupid to think about, but I hadn't really seen my reflection in years. Did I have a face that would repulse him? Not like we'd see each other's faces anytime soon... But I couldn't help but feel like the face hiding under his mask was a pretty one. 

My eyes drifted closed, not to sleep, but to remember how his skin had felt. Why was I drawn to him? Why did my stomach flip when I saw him? Why did my heart lump up in my throat? Frustrated, I rolled onto my side. I hated him. I liked him. I wanted him to interrogate me. But I wanted to tease him.

Damn it.

Was this incredibly irritating feeling what they called "meant to be?" Did he feel it too, wherever he was?

Sneaking out was definitely going to be more difficult than I first thought. While they didn't tie me up anymore, the others were still watching me with intensity. Someone was always sure to be with me to keep an eye on me. I was sure of it. 

I plopped down on the couch with an exasperated sigh, watching Jean try to decipher the television manual which was laid out in front of him. His head went back and forth between the pages and the string of wires in front of him which Armin had seemed to untangle and lay out in neat little rows for easy access.

"Why are there so many damn words?!" Jean exclaimed, running a hand through his hair. "Can't they just make these pictures easy to understand?"

"Well, this is a pretty old television set." I pointed out. None of us had ever learned how to read, and if we had, it was when we were very young and didn't do much good for us now. Armin was the best, though even he couldn't read an entire sentence. Pictures were all we had to go on. 

"You know, you could come over here and help instead of slacking off." Jean huffed.

"No thanks. I'm... gonna go upstairs." Perfect. Just make it sound natural. No other motives...

"Hey, Mikasa!" Jean called into the open space of the subway ruins. 

"Shut up!" I growled between my teeth. 

"Eren's going up, you better keep an eye on him!" 

Angrily, I turned my heel and leapt up the stairs. Damn this. Damn them. I could do whatever I wanted and they couldn't stop me. Who cared if they knew I where I was going? I didn't care anymore. I was done hiding.

I shoved through the doors of the underground out into the open street. Just as I had left it. In a moment, the door opened right behind me, but I didn't stop. 

"Eren!" Mikasa exclaimed through her static intercom, grabbing my wrist. "Where are you going?"

I pulled my hand free from her grip. "None of your damn business." I replied.

"You're going to see that scout." She reasoned, bringing her hand up to the red scarf around her neck. The one I had given her... and I calmed down for a moment. I knew I was acting irrationally, and I could imagine her worried expression from underneath her mask. She was just trying to protect me. 

"Yeah." I admitted. 

"I won't let you, Eren. I don't trust him." She said, taking a step closer. 

"I know. I know... But I have to do this Mikasa." I tried to explain. "I'm willing to risk this. He hasn't killed me yet, so I don't think he will. But if we can get an upper hand... Dad left me something. I have to find out what that is. Please don't follow me."

Area 16. I didn't know anyone that had ever dared to travel this far. While it wasn't as far as Area 4, it was the last area before you hit the wall. The wall that divided our condemned, eroding city and the sparkling, clean city that sat on the shores of the ocean. Scouts and MPs were around every corner, most of them changing shifts. They all had the privilege of living on the other side of the wall and would go back when their shifts were over. From where I hid, I could see the entrance. MPs stood at the doors, checking ID cards and scanning finger prints. I assumed they were then led into a chamber where all the toxic air was filtered out before they were free to go out into the beautiful side. 

The Captain had been right. Wrecking machines stood rusting and abandoned in the middle of a wide range of land, bricks, stones, and shingles scattered in piles: remains of abolished buildings and houses. The grass was grey and shriveled under my boots. But it was still a wonder to see grass growing at all. I guess that the air wasn't as bad near the wall. Probably got worse the farther out you traveled. 

There weren't many places to hide except behind the larger piles of trash and dirt. The warehouse stood not far from here. It was old, but still standing. Maybe the scouts kept supplies there. That's probably how he knew about it. A few trees stuck out crookedly along the side of the warehouse, nothing more than intimidating, leafless silhouettes against the setting sky. My stomach flipped nervously. The sun was nearly set. Was he already inside?

Once the path was clear, I jogged over to the warehouse: the lone survivor in a field of beaten down buildings. I raised my hand to push open the door. The hinges squealed a piercing pitch that echoed through the high-ceilinged room. It was dark. Across the top, near the ceiling, there was a row of foggy and dirty windows that only illuminated the dark outline of stacked boxes and old wheeling carts. Reclining against one of those stacks of boxes was a figure, one knee bent, mask lifted just enough to fit a cigarette in.

I swallowed nervously and approached him. The silence was so heavy that even the sound of my boots crunching into the dirt floor echoed massively. He already knew I was there, but he didn't turn to look at me. A puff of smoke blew from his lips and he coughed softly a few times before pulling the mask back down and sucking in a breath of filtered air. He then dropped the cigarette on the ground and squished it beneath his shoe, turning to me. 

"I'm here." I said, standing a few feet away from him. I felt pulled toward him, but held my spot, at least for the moment. When he didn't reply I pressed him further. "You said you wanted to make a deal. What did you have in mind?"

I stepped closer to him and he immediately turned away from me. Oh, so he was upset after what happened yesterday. Things were back to the way they were and he was embarrassed about letting me touch him. "I just said that to get you here. Don't make this difficult and come willingly." He said.

I blinked. What...? So then, he had tricked me. And it was a good plan too. Mikasa had backed down to me earlier and let me go. She wouldn't have followed me after what I had told her. I was alone out here right next to the wall where there were plenty of scouts around. They could easily take me. Even if by some stroke of luck I managed to get away from the Captain, I wouldn't get far with a bunch of them on my tail. No, there was no getting out of this. He had thought it through and taken advantage of my trust in him. I would be taken and questioned. Maybe even tortured. All for the stupid little key hanging underneath my shirt...

"You tricked me." I reasoned.

"Turn around." He ordered, stepping forward and pulling the handcuffs off his belt. He was close enough now that I could see him in the small sliver of light from the above windows. His hair shined with a clean glow, his skin beautifully smooth. He wore the scout uniform, black tight body armer bound around his slim frame. 

"No." I replied. 

His hands clutched the handcuffs tightly at my response. Yeah that's right. I won't come easily. You'll have to force me. You'll have to strangle me and tackle me and beat me until I obey you. And I'll enjoy every second of it... Anticipation fluttered through me with the thought. Without warning, he threw up his hand, using the cuffs as a sort of brass knuckles, slamming them into my jaw. It threw me off balance, and with the flaring pain, I stumbled and fell to the ground with a surprised huff. He took advantage of my surprise to take my arm and twist it behind my back.

I grunted from the sharp pain, but was suddenly excited. Finally! We could have some fun. Filled with exhilaration and rage, I struggled fiercely against him until I was able to get in a lucky kick to his stomach. A smile formed on my lips when I heard his deep, pained grunt. 

Quickly, I scrambled away from him, sprinting back for the door of the warehouse. In a moment he was tackling me from behind and we both fell to the ground, dust flying up around us. His legs straddled my hips and he dug his nails into my wrists, pulling them together with a frightening force and flinging the cuffs over them. When I tried to throw him off me, he shoved my head into the ground. The mask shifted and the inside cut into my cheek. Blood dripped down into the corner of my mouth.

"Stop it!" He growled, his hand tangled in my messy hair. 

I groaned in reply. He had gotten me. But I had liked it. A small chuckle emanated from my throat as he stood over me, grabbing my shirt and dragging me over to the stack of boxes. He threw me up against them and bent down to click another pair of cuffs around my ankles. My eyesight was blurred and my head ached with a dizzying pain. But knowing he had done it made it worth it. No, it made it... pleasurable.

He paused. I blinked and realized my legs were laid open, exposing my growing arousal. 

"Ah!" I exclaimed, immediately flushing and slamming my knees closed. 

"What's wrong with you-" His voice was uncertain. "Who the hell likes that?" 

With sudden anger, he stood up and shoved his foot in between my thighs, stepping on my groin. A shocked whine leapt from my tongue and I tried to wriggle away from the torturous pressure, but I was trapped between him and the boxes behind me and without my hands I couldn't move. My chest heaved and my small breathless groans echoed throughout the room. His boot was crushing me but the thought turned me on even more. 

"God..-" I grunted. "If you don't stop I'll- Hnn!" He pressed on my lap and my back arched as I cried out into the empty room. "Why- Is it because I held you-" 

"Shut up-" He shook with rage.

"You liked it-" I panted, unable to hold back my pained noises from lack of friction. Every time he moved, it rubbed against my erection. And it felt good.

"Fucking brat-" He spat, leaning over me and clutching a thick chunk of my hair and pulling my head back.

My body shook and I was breathing so heavily. Why couldn't I control it? I couldn't help my knees from trembling beneath his powerful weight and every moment I was closer to release with the way he was pressing on me. His forcefulness and the way he leaned over me really had me going. All the blood had drained from my head and pooled in my groin. I couldn't think. The feeling was too overpowering.

"Yes-" I grunted when he pulled on my hair. 

"Stop it." He hissed. My hips circled to create friction on my erection and I let out a gruntled moan as I released beneath him. I panted below him like a tied up dog and he moved away from me after seeing that I had soiled myself.

"What the hell-" He murmured before the door to the warehouse slammed open behind him. I was too out of it to really care. Numerous scouts rushed in and around us. I picked out the tallest of them fairly quickly. Erwin Smith. The leader of the scouts. His blonde hair and tall muscular frame was impossible to miss, even with his face covered. 

"Good work, Captain." He said.

The next few hours were a blur. Two officers pulled me off the floor and dragged me outside, throwing me into the back of a van. I only caught a glimpse of the Captain amidst the officers before the car door slammed closed and I was left alone in the dark. The front seat was blocked off so I couldn't see the driver. The drive was long and bumpy. Where we were going, I had no clue. A prison? 

After a while I started to realize the magnitude of the situation. I was alone... and scared. There was no guarantee they would keep me alive after they got what they wanted from me. And there was no guarantee that I'd see the Captain again. After he tricked me and got me caught, he probably would go back to his regular routine. 

The car finally stopped and I was dragged out of the back seat. I only had a moment to look up at a large government building. They were always extremely obvious because they looked like giant gray cubes. We never went near them. I didn't even know what the inside of one might look like. 

It wasn't impressive. Just as dirty and run down as any other building. But I didn't get to see much of it. The officers pulled me down some stairs to a long hallway of cells. So, it was a prison, then. After unlocking my handcuffs, they tossed me in the nearest one, locking the bars behind me. Not big at all. Dirt floors. Eroding brick walls. A dusty old bed in the corner. Guess I'd be expected to sleep with my mask on since there were no pods. 

I heard the officers' footsteps echo as they climbed back up the stairs. The door slammed and I was left alone in the cold, musty cell. It was quiet. I couldn't even hear anything from above me.

With a heavy sigh, I laid down on the bed. It creaked beneath my weight. My mind wandered back to that morning. Yesterday. The days before that. They were all probably worried about me. Maybe even looking for me. It didn't matter...

I sighed, closing my eyes and furrowing my eyebrows. Guess I shouldn't have trusted him. Why did I trust him? I didn't know anything about him. And yet I was drawn to him in a way I had never been drawn to anything before. It was like my soul reached out for his. In the quiet emptiness of the cell I finally accepted the truth: I liked him... For whatever reason. No... I knew all the reasons. The way he would get flustered when I flirted. How his hair was always clean. How he would beat me and tie me up and dominate me. His deep, menacing voice. How he had let me push him up against the wall and embrace him. The soft sounds his mask made when he breathed heavily. I had fallen for it all.

I turned on my side, my eyes starting to sting. What was wrong with me? No one liked getting beaten up. So then why did I get aroused when he did it...? He was definitely repulsed by me. Who wouldn't be? I was a freak who actually liked getting kicked and punched. 

Just thinking about what had happened left me cold. I wished he was close to me again like he had been in the warehouse. The way he had hovered over me was... comforting. I took a few deep breaths to relax myself and keep from crying. My hand slid slowly from my shoulder, down my chest and stomach, to the hem of my pants. I sniffled and let my fingers slide beneath my pants and boxers to comfortingly fondle myself. 

My tip was already wet. After a second it felt good and I let out a soft mewl, curling up on my side as I rubbed slowly, my other hand finding its way beneath my shirt to carefully twirl over my left nipple. But the pleasurable sensation just left me feeling even more alone. With a frustrated grunt, I flipped onto my back and closed my eyes. Imagine... just for a moment...

His hand would gently caress before gliding up my length and wrapping around to rub it. His other hand would glaze over my chest, fingers daintily circling the erect nubs. His lips would graze my neck. 

With an excited cry, I thrust my hips up and began pumping myself at a fast pace, my huffs and the slapping of skin the only sound in the dark hallway of cells. Yes... I liked him. I wanted him. I needed him. My moans came out louder and louder as I neared my climax. Angrily, I turned over on the bed, sitting up on my knees and leaning my head up against the wall.

One hand grasped the base tightly, preventing release, while the other still flew back and forth. My pants of pleasure turned to cries of pain with every pump. I threw my head back. Yes. The pain. It was so good that my vision was blurring. Enduring it sent shivers through my limbs and I felt my whole being begin to tremble from the pressure. 

"God... yes! Ugn...- " I whined into the emptiness, finally letting myself go and releasing into my hand. My eyesight was blurry, not just from the pleasure, but from tears as well. My mask crackled as I panted heavily through it, collapsing into a sitting position. 

Suddenly, I heard a noise. Footsteps! Two figures appeared outside of my cell and I gasped, pulling my shirt back down. They couldn't see beneath my mask, but I was flushed with embarrassment. I hadn't even heard them come down! How much had they heard?

"Do you need a napkin?" The shorter of the two asked. A woman. She dangled one through the bars and I hesitantly stood up and walked over to accept it.

I wiped my hand off. "Uh... thanks-" I murmured sheepishly.

"So. Eren, right?" She asked, pulling out a pad and pen. "My name is Zoe Hange. Now, can you tell me something? How often do you masturbate like that?"

I choked. "H-huh?!" 

"That's enough, Hange." The other spoke. I realized then that it was the commander. Erwin Smith. This was really embarrassing. "So, Eren, I assume you know why you're here?"

"I guess." I replied with a gulp. "You want something my father left me."

"Yes. That's right. The key." Erwin reminded me. "Now you can tell us where it is and answer our questions without a fight or we can do this the hard way."

"And what's that?" 

"We're not opposed to torture techniques." His deep voice showed no mercy. Yeah, I guessed that already.

"What happens if I tell you everything you want to know? What happens to me then?" I asked.

Hange and Erwin both shifted uncomfortably in front of me. Oh... so either way there was no escaping my punishment. Once they had what they needed from me, whether I told them willingly or they had to beat it out of me, I would be killed just like any other 104th.

Fright trembled through me. This was it then... well, then I wasn't just going to go down. Nothing could stop an iron will. The only way to ensure my survival was to tell them nothing. Even if that meant torture. At least I'd be alive, right? 

"What is your relationship with the Captain?" Erwin asked.

"Erwin-" Hange scolded. 

"It's a fair question." He replied.

I blinked, feeling my cheeks heat up at the mention of him. God, I had it bad... "Uh- there's no relationship." I lied. "We met a few times when he almost caught me that's all." 

Erwin nodded. "Well, then all that's needed now is your cooperation." 

My fists clenched and I mustered up all the courage I had. "You won't get it, Sir. I'm not telling you shit." 

Hange scratched the back of her neck with a shrug. "Told you we should let him live for cooperating~" She teased, leading the way back to the staircase. Without another word, Erwin followed her. I almost called out to them to ask about the Captain. But I didn't. 

My back ached against the stiff mattress. Any sort of movement caused a squeak. But somehow I had managed to find a position that wasn't too hard to endure. I hadn't slept with a mask on in a long time... but somehow it was less stifling than being in a pod. 

I started to drift off. The lights were dim and all was quiet. Who knew how long I laid there. I knew I could be a pretty hard sleeper, but I must not have been sleeping well. I heard some soft noises and stirred awake, blinking away the sleep from my eyes. I didn't know what time it was. There were no windows. Was it after midnight? 

Footsteps. 

I leaned up on my elbows to look through the bars of the cell. The thought that it might be my torturer, here already to start questioning me, sent a wave of fear through me. I wasn't ready-

A figure stopped in front of the bars, leaning against the opposite wall of the hallway. The lights were low, but I recognized him. The Captain... 

His hair was just as neat as always, black, shiny, and clean. He wore simple dark pants and a long sleeved gray t-shirt tucked into his belt. Around his shoulders was a gun holster with a tight band that ran across his upper stomach, accentuating his chest. His neck was exposed. So soft and elegant. 

He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed and one knee bent. Carefully, I got up off the bed and walked to the bars. His face was angled away from me. Why had he come to see me? And didn't he know how... good he looked in that shirt? The band of the gun holster too... 

While I had so many questions for him, I held my tongue. I wanted him to speak first. I was curious as to what he would say, if anything. Obviously, something was on his mind. His muscles were tense and I caught a glimpse of his collarbone peeking out from beneath his shirt. 

For a long while we stood in silence. Guess he had expected me to speak first. He didn't seem like the type to be shy... so why was he hesitating?

He swallowed and his face turned in my direction. "You should've told me before it came to this." He said almost in a whisper. 

My eyes immediately stung and my breath hitched. "You should've killed me the day we met." 

His arms fell from their crossed position and he marched across the hall and grabbed the bars of the cell. We were so close, yet separated by the cage I was trapped in. "Either way you're gonna die." He murmured. "You know that."

"I know..." I replied softly. I cared less about that, though. My mind was focused on our closeness. How I wanted to just... touch him. My hand moved from where I grasped the bars to gently lay over his hand. It was warm and soft. He flinched and pulled away.

"Stop it. That's not-" He stammered. "That's not funny."

I frowned down at him, swallowing to try and keep tears from falling. I was going to die alone... At the thought, I suddenly broke, clutching the bars as my shoulders shook from my soft sobbing. I cried hard for a minute or two. He didn't say anything.

When I looked back up at him, he was stiff, his hands clenched, as though he didn't know how to react to a kid crying in front of him. 

"Sorry..." I sniffled. 

He huffed and crossed his arms. "Don't cry. There's no point." 

He was right... there was no point. Either way I was going to die, right? So why put myself through all the torture? Might as well die quickly. It was better than suffering for the remainder of my feeble existence. But it also meant that I had nothing to lose. 

I leant on the bars, as though reaching out to him. "I'll tell you where it is if you'll give me something in return." 

"Tell it to Erwin." He snapped.

"No." I retorted. "I'll only make this deal with you." 

"What's the deal?" 

I took a deep breath. Nothing to lose right? "A kiss."

He sucked in a sharp breath and turned to me angrily. "Cut it out, kid." He growled softly. "This isn't the time to be joking around. Why do you-... Why are you acting like that when you're about to die?"

His tone was harsh, but I could tell he was flustered. A sad smile spread across my lips. It was cute when he acted like that. I looked away from him. "I think... I think I like you, Captain." 

We were both silent for a long time. I could hear him breathing through his mask and when I dared to look down at him, he was facing away from me. The skin on the back of his neck was a soft blushing pink. His hands clutched his arms tightly. 

"Say something." My voice was barely a whisper in the silence. 

He tensed. "So you'll give me that stupid key just for that?" His voice had lost its dominance.

"Y-yeah..." I swallowed.

He reached for his belt, which I then realized had a set of keys attached to it. Silently, he fit a key into the door of the cell and walked inside, closing it behind him and connecting the keys back to his belt. We stood facing each other for an awkward moment. 

"Not-..." He hesitated, then whispered. "Not on the lips."

I drew closer to him and he backed up against the bars, letting me trap him in between my arms. My hand moved to delicately touch his exposed neck. "What about here?" I asked.

His breathing was uneven and he flinched at my touch. "Fine. Whatever-" He snapped, though his voice had lost its menacing timbre.

I sucked in a deep breath and reached behind my head to loosen my mask. It rested on my forehead as I leaned in close to him. Feeling my closeness, he let out a shaky breath. I brought my hand to the other side of his neck before pressing my lips behind his ear. So soft. He tasted sweet and clean. His skin was warm, probably from blushing. Slowly, he relaxed into me and I let my lips travel from behind his ear and down his neck. When I reached the spot where the neck meets the shoulder, he let out a soft grunt and clutched my arm. Oh, so he had a sensitive spot? Fueled by his noise, I devoured the spot, suckling on it until he was panting underneath me. He tried to weakly push me away by my shoulders, but before I let him, I bit down harshly into the skin. 

"Nn! Hey- No-.. no biting-" He choked out quietly, finally pulling me off him. I pulled my mask down and let out my pent up breath. The mark on his neck shone a beautiful bruised magenta against his lily white skin. 

After a moment, I reached for the necklace, pulling it over my head. The key glimmered in the dim lighting as I held it out for him. "As promised." 

He adjusted the collar of his shirt and cleared his throat, reaching up to take it. Our fingers brushed as he grasped the key and we both pulled away immediately, embarrassed. Without saying anything, he turned and slid the key into the door, walking out and closing it behind him.

"Hey!" I called. 

He paused. 

"Thanks..." I said.


	5. Savior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so somehow this chapter got really sad and dramatic ! I had planned for it to go in this direction already but it just ended up a lot more sad than I had expected haha so I'm sorry for that ! But anyway I hope every likes it anyway and this is not the end even though it kind of might feel that way. I promise there's more to come <3

Death.

How I longed for it. 

I spent every moment of every hour pleading for it. Please kill me. Make this nightmare end. 

The first few times I would scream out and cry and wail, telling them how I would spill it all. Then I would. I would tell them what I remembered about my father, which was very little. They weren't convinced. 

What did the key go to?

What was I hiding?

Who else knew about it?

Rough gloved hands would wind into my hair and shove me under water until I couldn't breathe. Right before I drowned they'd pull me out and question me again. Dunk. Suffocate. Question. My throat was raw and my chest ached with every heaving breath I took. But they didn't stop no matter how hard I pleaded. 

When the water technique didn't seem to work, they went on to a more physical approach. Officers would drag me from my cell to a large white room. They would strip me naked and handcuff my hands above my head. A masked man would enter behind me and slash me across the back with a sharp whip. Over and over until blood was pouring down my legs and my knees gave out, my wrists rubbed raw from the handcuffs. 

If I lost consciousness I was punished. 

Then I was thrown back into the dirty floor of my cell, too worn out to even put my clothes back on. After a while, they stopped bringing me clothes at all.

In the following days, my voice broke and my cries were silent. I had run out of tears. I couldn't stop them no matter how hard I tried. No matter how hard I pleaded. 

The last technique was sleep deprivation. I was to be kept awake at all hours and a guard was stationed outside my cell to make sure I didn't fall asleep. If he even suspected that I had, he would slash a bucket of cold water over my naked frame. 

Curled up in the corner, naked, cold, and hungry.

I wished for death. I didn't let my mind drift to the past. I didn't think of my friends or family. I didn't think of the life I had as a 104th. Those days seemed almost like a dream anyway. A distant dream that faded a little more with every beating. I didn't think of him either. I didn't see him since the night I had been brought to the prison. 

The thought of suicide crossed my mind every day. All I had to do was remove the mask and I'd suffocate. Think how fast and simple it would be. My suffering would end... But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't make myself give up, even though I wanted it so badly. What was holding me in this world? What was keeping me from ending it all?

I could only pray that they would finally be done with me and send me to the noose. 

I flinched at the sound of footsteps. Was it time to be taken up already? It seemed like I had just been whipped not hours ago. My back stung with a fiery pain, but my mind was numb to the feeling now. I was filled with the fear of a new torture device or technique that they were ready to try. My hands shook and I backed into the corner like a scared, wounded creature.

"Shift change." I heard.

"What? I'm supposed to be here all night." The officer posted as my guard replied.

"Not my order." 

"Fine by me." I heard the guard's footsteps echo down the hallway and up the stairs, the door echoing shut behind him. 

I glanced up at the figure standing outside the cell. I was too numb to be surprised, but I recognized him. Humiliation and embarrassment flooded through me and I curled up into the corner, looking away from him. God, why did he have to see me like this... 

The door squeaked open and his boots crunched in the dirt, bloodied from my wounds, until he stood above me. I didn't look, but felt him crouch down beside me. 

"Eren." He said.

My heart thumped alive at the sound of my name on his tongue. My vision was blurry. Why was I dizzy? 

"Don't... look at me..." My voice rasped, just a broken whisper. 

He sighed through his mask and laid a gloved hand on my arm. I couldn't help myself from flinching. "Just turn around. I'm going to treat it." He spoke softly, almost... pityingly. I did as he said. I was too weak to protest. "This is going to hurt..."

A cold stinging liquid touched the top of my back and I let out a strangled cry, tears forming in the corner of my eyes. I bit into my hand as he applied the alcohol to the open wounds on my back. It almost hurt just as bad as the actual whipping, but somehow I didn't care. Tears started streaming down my face involuntarily. Why was he being nice to me? Why was he helping me? I couldn't bear it... 

He worked silently, sitting up on his knees to wrap a thick gauze around my chest to cover the scars on my back. His hands were cold, but soft when they grazed over my skin. When he finished he turned me around to face him and started dressing me in a clean set of clothes.

He carefully and neatly slipped a shirt over my head, then slid some boxers up my legs. When we got to the pants, he supported me under my left arm to help me stand and pull them on. He then guided me to the bed and knelt before me, slipping socks over my frozen feet and then shoes, tying the laces perfectly. 

"Do you think you can walk?" He asked. 

I nodded even though I wasn't sure. I hadn't walked in what seemed like days. 

When I tried to open my mouth to speak, my throat scratched out like sandpaper. "How long..."

"2 weeks." He replied, standing and dusting off his knees. He was beautiful... His hair was the same as always, smooth, clean, and perfectly parted. How I wanted to run my hands through it. He wore a simple short-sleeved, high-necked black shirt tucked into his black army pants. He wore gloves on his hands, his fingers exposed. His forearms were a smooth, pinky white. 

"Try to stand." He said, bending down to support me as I stood up, the bed creaking as I lifted off it. My knees wobbled, but he held me up. Strange how strong he was, though he was shorter than me. 

"Where are we going." I whispered.

He hesitated as he guided me to the door of the cell, opening it as slowly and quietly as it would allow. "I'm breaking you out." 

Getting out of the building was impossible, he had told me as we climbed the stairs. By now I was walking on my own, though weakly. I would have to run. The Captain clutched a pistol in his right hand as he peeked through the door to see if the path was clear. 

"We're going to be caught." He explained. "Our only bet is to get to the underground. It's about an hour away if we run." 

We walked briskly through the upper foyer, the Captain leading the way to the doors. Scouts everywhere. When they saw us, some of them halted, confused. Then, as he slammed open the front doors, suddenly people were behind us, screaming at us to stop.

"Run!" 

We took off out of the building. Where were we? It wasn't Area 16, because there were houses around. Neighborhoods. The smog was thick, which was good. A couple of yards away and they wouldn't be able to see us through the smoke. 

I stumbled after the Captain as gunshots sounded after us, whizzing by us. My head was foggy. I couldn't balance. Suddenly, it all seemed like a dream going in slow motion. The Captain turned on his heel, yanking me off the dead ground and pulling me after him. My feet found their way beneath me and I was running beside him through a pathway covered with trees. Houses stood on either side of us. 

A scout appeared in front of us and aimed his gun. He didn't hesitate and a shot rang out. The Captain ran forward at full speed, swinging his foot to kick the scout in the jaw. He stumbled and we ran past him, not looking back. I could hear the sound of cars whizzing down the road to the right. We went left.

The sound of running footsteps up ahead. The Captain grabbed my hand and pulled me into the small space in between houses, following a paved path until we were behind the neighborhood. A line of abandoned apartment buildings. Flashlights flew in all directions, but the smog hid us from their sight. 

My knees gave out and I hit the ground with a soft cry of pain. The Captain turned back and leant down to pull me up like he had the first time. My strength had given out. Though I tried to help him and get up, my body felt heavy. I couldn't stand.

"Come on..." He growled, looking up at the sharp sound of yelling just behind us. With a painful grunt, he heaved me up, completely supporting me on his shoulder as he went up to a door nearest to us. He kicked at it, but it wouldn't open. Quickly, we stumbled to the next one and he swung it open, slamming it behind us and immediately pulling me through the dusty, crumbling remains of the building to a staircase. Underneath was a small door, barely noticeable. In the next few moments we were walking down a staircase into a basement. When he closed the door we were in complete darkness.

We both fell against the wall, the only sound being our heavy breathing and a faint dripping from a broken pipe somewhere. The sound of heavy boots stomping above us echoed from the ceiling. Dust drifted from above as the scouts searched through the house above us. We sat still, holding our breath, until their footsteps slowly ceased. 

Neither of us spoke for a long time. Minutes seemed to pass, nothing but the dripping sound.

Eventually, he shifted beside me and grunted softly. It was too dark to see him.

"Shit..." He mumbled, trying to steady his breathing.

"You... saved me." I whispered. 

He didn't reply. Our shoulders touched, the both of us leaning up against the wall side by side. My hand rested on the ground in between us and I felt his little finger under mine. His hand must've been resting in the same spot. I had expected him to pull away but he didn't. I could hear his nervous breathing as our fingers slowly intertwined. 

Nobody spoke. We were both silent as our hands shifted, our fingers slowly weaving together. He let out a shaky breath.

"Why did you save me?" I asked into the darkness. 

"Shut up." He stammered. "They could still find us. We'll wait it out." 

His hand fit perfectly in mine. It was smaller than mine, and soft. I had the sudden urge to kiss him. 

Carefully, and slowly, I let my hand drift up his bare arm to his shoulder. He tensed, but didn't move away from me. My fingers trailed across his collarbone and to his jaw. His head was facing away from me, so I gently guided it to face mine. It was too dark to see even that close. All I could do was feel him. I felt his hand lay over mine and he leant closer so our foreheads were touching.

I brought my hand to the back of his head to unclasp his mask. "Don't..." He whispered.

But he didn't stop me. In a moment, both of our masks were off, and despite the smoggy air, we leant closer. The darkness veiled our faces. His hand clutched mine nervously. Our noses brushed and I weaved my fingers through his soft, clean hair before our lips locked together. He tasted sweet. It was unlike any sensation I'd ever experienced. So soft and tender. Suddenly we were both fighting for more, his hands tangling in my hair as we sat up on our knees, our chests pressed together. I sucked on his bottom lip and he panted into my mouth, his hands caressing my neck as we tasted each other. 

"Nn-... nn..." He groaned softly against my tongue as our bodies moved together, my hands drifting up his shirt to embrace his back, warm from the heat. His arms weaved around my neck as he tried to dominate me, pulling my hair to make me obey his wishes. Passionately, I trapped him against the wall, my hands roaming his entire frame until they found the erect nubs on his chest. My thumb grazed over the left one and a surprised noise leapt from the back of his throat. He hooked his left leg on my waist. Our hips rolled together and we both hummed softly against each other's lips with the pleasurable feeling. 

We both jumped with surprise when the door to the basement swung open. The Captain immediately turned away from me so I wouldn't catch a glimpse of his face from the light streaming in above. He coughed excessively as he secured his mask back around his head. I did the same. Black figures trailed in quickly.

Blood stained the floor and trailed back to the Captain's hand, where he pressed his palm against his shoulder. Did he get shot at some point? I didn't have time to ask.

"Eren!" 

Mikasa?

Her and the others flooded into the room, grabbing me and pulling me up the stairs. I wanted to tell them to stop, but my voice was gone. By the time we reached the top, my body was too exhausted to continue and my vision blurred to darkness.

My eyes cracked open, squinting against the brightness. 

I gasped as I realized I was trapped in a pod. Trapped! I quickly grabbed my mask and shoved it open. Back in the underground... what had happened? I groaned, bringing my hand to my head to try and ease the splitting pain. 

I stumbled to the main subway area where the others were all gathered around the now working television. 

"Eren!" Mikasa exclaimed, running to me and embracing me tightly. I was too groggy to hug her back, but I knew I was grateful to be where I was. Nothing had changed... and yet centuries had seemed to pass since the last time I had been there with all of them.

"Are you ok, Eren?" Connie asked.

"Are you hungry?" Sasha chimed in.

"Don't ask him that! He's an idiot." Jean spat.

"Eren. You should sit down." Armin guided me to the sofa and sat beside me. 

After a moment, the memories flooded through my head and I remembered. Had I passed out after they had found me in the basement? How had they even found us?

"How did you find me..." I managed to mutter. My throat was much better. "How long have I been out?"

"About a day." Mikasa replied sadly.

"We received an SOS signal..." Armin said. "Did you not send it?"

I shook my head. "No..."

The Captain! What had happened to him after they had dragged me from the basement. Worried, I stood up quickly, my head spinning with the sudden movement. "Where- where is he?" I stammered.

Jean shook his head and turned away angrily. Fine. Let them be angry. He had saved my life. No matter how badly they thought of him for being a scout, he was the reason I was alive and back with them. He must've sent the signal...

"Eren-" Armin tried to reason.

"No. You don't understand." I pressed. "He saved me."

"He also was the one that got you caught in the first place!" Mikasa pointed out.

I went quiet. She was right, after all...

"I don't-" 

"You don't what, Eren?" Jean said angrily, stepping up to me. "Care? You don't care? Why is that exactly? We warned you about him. So then why did go and meet him?!"

I shoved him in the chest. "Shut up, Jean. Where is he?!" 

Jean shoved me back, and still being weak, I stumbled back and fell onto the couch, my head spinning.

"Stop it!" Mikasa cried, getting in between us. "Eren had his reasons..."

"Don't defend him..." Connie said. "He put us all at risk."

"You didn't tell them where our hideout is, did you, Eren?" Armin asked worriedly.

All their voices mixed together. What were they saying? What were they talking about? Where was he... I shook my head to try and focus. I must've had a concussion. Either that, or I'd lost too much blood. 

"No... I didn't." I replied groggily. "What happened after you found us?" 

Armin sighed and laid a hand on my arm. "After we found you, we went in to take him captive. He was wounded, but he was able to fight us all off anyway. He almost got away, but Mikasa managed to hold him still long enough for Sasha to shoot him with a dart laced with a sleeping drug. We brought him back here..."

I wasn't sure if I should be relieved about that or not. The captured scouts weren't treated well, I knew. 

"You can't- I mean... Armin, he saved me. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him." 

Armin looked away. "I don't know, Eren... if he was going to save you, why did he wait? Just look at all the scars and bruises from the torturing... He could've prevented that! Your mind isn't in the right place. They mentally and physically strained you, and you're putting him into a heroic role because he seemed to be saving you at the time." 

I let out a shaky breath. Maybe Armin was right... But there was something more. I felt it. We had... shared a moment together. Many moments. The taste of his lips still hung in my memory along with the feeling of his body and hair. His voice softly whispering my name.

"Eren."

"Can I... see him?" I asked. 

Armin walked me there alone. He didn't speak for a long time as he led me to where we kept all the prisoners. We had installed handcuffs to the walls on one strip; a small, narrow hallway that cornered off from the main part of the subway; the walkway that led to the bathrooms.

"Have you fallen in love with him, Eren?" Armin finally said.

My breath hitched, though I tried not to let Armin see my reaction. How did he... know? I had suspected it, even accepted that I liked him. But it was true. I had fallen in love... what a strange phrase. What did it even mean? Was what I felt for him what love felt like? The desire to know him, to see his face, to know his name, to just... be near him? Was that really love?

I let my hand drift to my chest, where the gauze he had wrapped was still underneath my shirt. He had cared for me and dressed me and saved me... of course I admired him for that. And of course I had flirted harmlessly with him before. However, it all seemed so serious now. It wasn't a joke anymore, ever since I first held him. It didn't even matter what he looked like. I didn't care... 

I sighed and looked away. "What? Of course not. He's a guy-"

"I know." Armin cut in quickly. He had probably assumed I would lie to him. "Regardless. Your actions only make sense if... "

"I don't... I don't know." I replied in a far weaker voice than I wanted to use. My mind drifted back to our kiss. There was no denying that we were drawn to each other. Or at least that I was drawn to him. It didn't matter that he was a guy. I still had these urges. 

Armin stopped me before we got to the passageway of prisoners. "It's ok if you do, Eren." He assured me. "Just don't get hurt. He's not like us. He's unpredictable and we don't know anything about him. Make sure you know... you can't- you can't get hurt like this again..."

I nodded, pulling Armin into a tight hug. "I'm sorry... I won't do anything like it again. I regret it..."

Armin nodded with a sniffle. "I'll wait here, ok?"

I nodded and took a deep breath before traveling down the hallway. I wasn't sure how many scouts we had captured at this time, but enough to make it hard to pick him out at first glance. 50? They were spaced pretty far apart. Slowly, I started making my way down the corridor, looking back and forth at the men sitting on the floor, their hands bound on either side of them to the walls. I saw one prisoner separated farther away from the rest. There.

I jogged down to him, my eyes widening at the sight of him. The left eye of his mask was cracked, but not shattered. His head was leaned against the dirty brick wall lazily, his hair tousled from what seemed like some kind of skirmish. His shirt was missing, his shoulder wrapped where the bullet had hit him and was stained black from blood. His legs were bent, one on the floor and one sitting up. He breathed steadily and moved his head to look up at me. 

I blinked and swallowed nervously. He didn't deserve this. But at least here was my chance to talk to him. His hands hung weakly from where they were bound against the wall, one hand by either side of his head. Awkwardly, I sat down in front of him.

"I'm sorry... They shouldn't have tied you up-" I tried to start.

"Shut up-" He interrupted, coughing from the strain. "Just shut up."

He was angry... I looked to the ground. Maybe it was one sided. After all, I only ever made a fool of myself in front of him. But I couldn't keep myself from speaking. "Why? I just- I just want to know why."

He exhaled uneasily, his head turned away from me. "Don't apologize. It's better that I'm tied up. It doesn't begin to compare to what you went through..." He trailed off.

"What do you mean?" 

"I-..." He hesitated. "I shouldn't have brought you in. I had-" He coughed. "I had no idea what they were going to do to you for that god damn information."

I swallowed, feeling tears form at the remembrance of all they had done to me. 

"When I found out all the terrible things they were doing..." He didn't finish. I knew the rest. He coughed again, a terrible, sickly sound emanating from his throat. The wound was deep. 

"So... you sent out the signal." I half-said to myself.

He tried to shift his position and groaned from the pain in his shoulder. "Fuck..." 

I bit my lip, working up the courage to ask the real question I had been hoping to ask him. I looked at my hands in my lap, fiddling them together nervously. "I don't... I don't know why I did that..." I tried to be confident, but it came out in a whisper. "But... I liked it." I exhaled. There. I said it. 

When I looked back up at him, his face was angled in my direction. Our eyes met even though we couldn't see each other's eyes. I felt it. He shook his head. "Fuck you." He said under his breath. "Don't say things like that to me. You don't... you don't know me."

"I could know you-"

"No. You're a god damn kid that doesn't know anything. We can't-" He stopped himself. "You don't even know my name so don't fuck around with me. You have no idea what I've done or what I'm capable of."

"I don't care." I snapped. "And all you have to do is tell me your name. Is it that hard?"

He hissed out an angry breath. "You don't care? Well I care." He whispered angrily. "Whatever you're trying to do is a mistake."

"You're not saying you didn't like it." I pointed out, feeling tears sting my eyes and fall down my face. 

He hesitated. "I didn't like it." He whispered, not looking at me.

I stood up, frustrated, and he flinched at my suddenness. I huffed angrily a few times, my hands clenched. 

"Then why'd you kiss back?"


	6. Moonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi !! I hope everyone is doing well and I hope everyone reading is enjoying ! I'm really glad with how this story is turning out. This chapter is really sweet so I hope you guys like it. I wanted to develop their relationship before I got into some of the more gritty, action-packed stuff that I have planned <3

A few days passed and I didn't go to see the Captain. I spent most of my time upstairs, gambling or trading. At least upstairs there were a lot of people around to distract me from what he had said to me. It was like a rejection, wasn't it? Also pretty embarrassing. I didn't want to face him after what he had said. He made it pretty clear he didn't want anything to do with me, for whatever reason. I played his words over in my mind, trying to make sense of them. What had he done that he thought was so terrible? 

Armin was thoughtfully teaching me how they had hooked up the television to receive the channel of the scouts. From here we could hear there intercoms, or at least most of them. It would then be easier to coordinate when we would go out, making sure it was when there weren't as many scouts around. 

I reclined on the couch, not really showing much interest when Jean entered with an exaggerated huff, throwing down his jacket and plopping down on the other side of the couch. 

"Damn, I hate that guy." He grumbled.

"Who?" Connie asked.

"That stupid Captain." 

I immediately tuned into the conversation, though I didn't say anything.

"Keeps bitching about how dirty the ground is and constantly bugging me about letting him shower. The guy's a real clean freak. The worst part is he scares the shit out of me." Jean crossed his arms and visibly shuddered.

"Well then just take him to the showers." Armin said. "Someone really should look at his bullet wound. I'm sure he needs some new gauze."

Mikasa and Armin exchanged a glance.

"Eren, why don't you go?" Armin offered.

I shook my head. "No way. Make Jean do it."

Jean looked over at me. "I thought you would want to. What happened? Figured out he's not the savior you thought he was."

"Fuck off." I kicked him. 

Mikasa went to get some gauze and came over to me, handing it to me. "You should do it."

Armin had obviously told her about what I had said. I didn't really care. She deserved to know. But they didn't understand. He didn't want me to. I needed to stay away to get over the stupid feelings I kept having. "He doesn't want me to. He doesn't-... want anything to do with me." I looked away.

The two of them both came over to me and Armin sat down beside me on the couch. "I... might have overheard the other day." He started. "Eren, I think he was lying." 

Mikasa nodded.

I scrunched up my nose. This was the worst. Why were they treating me like some kid? Did they really think I was in love with him? And now they wanted to try to get us together? 

The TV sizzled to life and a static sound rang out before a voice could be heard. A scout. Armin jumped up to go and listen. After a moment, he stood up excitedly. "There aren't going to be many scouts in the area! We should all go now for food. It's the prime opportunity!" 

The others jumped up to get their things. Mikasa laid a hand on my arm. "I don't like this, Eren. But if you talk to him, maybe you can get information out of him. Just think about it."

Oh. So that's what it was. Information... I hated that word. Is that all people were good for? Learn what they knew and then throw them away? A few weeks ago I might've agreed with that. But now, I knew different. People were so much more. 

I watched as they cleared out of the underground. Of course I couldn't go with them. I was still beaten up pretty bad from being a prisoner. Armin assured me they'd be back soon before they all left. 

Mikasa had left the gauze in my hand and I rolled it around a few times, looking at it, trying to decide if I really was going to see him. Armin thought he had been lying... but why would he lie? It was so difficult to read him. He seemed emotionless. And his actions weren't anything to go off of. But I did know that I always made the first move. Sometimes he would let me and others he would stop me. 

Aggravated, I stood and headed to the prisoners, making my way to him quickly before I changed my mind. His head leaned against his arm as though he were sleeping. But when I got close, he moved to look at me. Realizing it was me, he quickly looked away and clenched his hands into fists. Guess he really didn't want to see me.

I knelt down. "Just here to give you a fresh gauze." I said flatly.

The keys clinked loudly down the hall as I opened the handcuffs. He groaned softly as his arms let down and I could see the red imprints the cuffs made on his wrists. He rubbed them a few times.

"You should be the one chained up since you're into that." He said, without emotion.

It took me a second to realize he was making a joke. When I did, I flushed a fiery red and suddenly didn't remember what I was there to do. "Wh-WHAT?!" I exclaimed, flustered. "I'm not- I don't know what you're talking about..."

Somehow I felt that he thought that was funny. "Oh yeah? Did you forget about the warehouse?" He winced as he began to slowly unwrap the gauze around his shoulder. I remembered that was supposed to be my job.

"I can do that for you..." I mumbled, unwrapping it slowly so as not to hurt him anymore than necessary. We were both quiet for a minute. Why did he seem more upbeat than usual...? It was a little uncharacteristic of him. I didn't think I'd ever heard him make a joke before. Remembering back to how I'd gotten turned on in the warehouse had me embarrassed, though. Did he think that was funny? 

"Uh... yeah I remember." I stammered, unrolling the fresh gauze. The wound on his shoulder was still deep: a black hole surrounded by a dark red and purple that blemished his beautiful white skin. For a moment I hesitated, seeing that he was shirtless. His chest was broad, his arms slim and muscular. His stomach was braided with muscle, though his waist was small like a girl's. His nipples were a soft pink against his white skin. Everything about him was so... pretty. 

"Stop staring." He said, looking away.

"I wasn't- um..." I quickly changed the subject. "Actually I heard you wanted to take a shower. But maybe that's not a good idea with the wound like that." I said, rubbing the back of my neck. 

Slowly, he rolled his shoulder, trying to stifle a pained groan. His voice was hoarse and deep and I recalled how he had said my name that one time. I wanted him to say it again. Tenderly, like he had done in the cell. I swallowed and shook the thought from my head, looking down into my lap. I had to remember that he didn't like me...

"You guys don't have bathtubs here?" He asked in disbelief, or maybe annoyance.

I thought about it. "Uh... No. There are in an old neighborhood not far from here. But we would have to leave the underground for that-"

"Let's go." He interrupted me. 

I blinked. "We really... shouldn't."

"I'm dirty and I'm pissed. They're all gone, so just take me there. I'm too weak to try to run away."

Thankfully, the bathtubs in the the neighborhood houses were pretty clean. The houses were relatively new, at least compared to the other buildings in this area, which were falling apart at the seams. Only in one house was the bathtub actually manufactured like a pod, covered with a glass top that would filter in clean air, that way you didn't have to bathe with a mask on. I took him there. 

Most of the time, I just showered in the pods in the underground. However, we would often come to these empty houses for situations such as his: a wound that shouldn't get wet. 

We entered the house, neither of speaking. We hadn't spoken on the way there either. I led the way to the bathroom and laid a pair of clean, folded clothes on the sink for him. They were mine, so they would probably be a little big on him. He sat down on the toilet seat with a grunt.

"Hey. I can't really use my bad arm." He said: his way of asking for help, I assumed.

"Right-" I mumbled, kneeling down in front of him to help him take his shoes off. He leaned back on his good arm and watched me. Even with the mask on, I could feel his gaze and I blushed. Why was it so... quiet and uncomfortable? Why was he just watching me? It was almost like he had ordered me to do it and I had obeyed. My blush deepened at the thought but I tried to focus on untying his shoes.

"You like that, huh?" His voice was flat.

I flinched nervously. Was I that transparent?! I figured the mask covered all that up... "Uh-" I swallowed. "I'm just... untying them for you." I replied. 

Why was he teasing me like that? He had already humiliated me after I confessed to him and he even rejected me. So then why was he doing this to me? It was... cruel. I shouldn't have gone to see him at all. I regretted it now. 

I carefully pulled the shoes off, placing them neatly under the sink. I then slid the socks off his feet. They were small and pretty. If I didn't know better I'd think they were girl's feet. 

After that I stood up. Obviously, he would remove his pants by himself. So, I figured I would just leave.

"Hey." He snapped, stopping me. When I looked back at him, he was still leaning back on his arm, as though he expected something else from me. "So if I tell you to do something you'll just do it?" 

I furrowed my brows. He was making fun of me. "I'm sorry I said anything." I said angrily. "I'm sorry- about it all... I guess it's pretty funny to you." I felt tears stinging the edges of my eyes. "Well-... I was just joking anyway." I lied. "It was always just a joke, so you can stop making fun of me." Frustrated, and now on the verge of tears, I made for the door. He stood up immediately and grabbed my wrist, stopping me. 

"Answer the fucking question." He said between clenched teeth, looking up at me. So short, yet so dominant. His nails dug into my wrist and I held my breath. 

"What question-"

"If I tell you to do something, are you just going to do it?" He held me to my spot. Guess he had something in mind that he was going to tell me to do, depending on my answer. I swallowed. Was I really willing to do whatever he said, just because he was the one who said it? A part of me knew he was taking advantage of my feelings for him. But the other was too curious and excited at the possibilities. 

After a long silence, I answered in an ashamed whisper. "Y-yes."

He let go of my wrist and took a step back, leaning his head to the side, as though trying to determine if he believed me or not. I stared back at him, waiting for him to reply. Maybe... just maybe Armin had been right. The night in the basement... he had kissed back. So then... did he want it just as badly as I did? Hope swelled through me.

I watched impatiently as he turned around and bent over the tub with a pained groan, turning on the warm water. The sound of rushing water filled the silence of the bathroom. He turned back to look at me.

“Take them off.”

My breath hitched and my eyes widened. I felt blood rush to my cheeks. His voice had taken that deep commanding tone that I liked to hear. I assumed he meant the clothes. Was I to… join him in the bath, then? Maybe he was just trying to embarrass me… But, damn it, I liked that. I liked being embarrassed.

I swallowed nervously, slowly pulling my shirt up and over my head. Then, I hesitated. He stood still, his eyes trained on me. I could feel them. My breathing was shaky. Flushed, I kicked off my shoes and pulled off my socks. I didn’t look at him as I let my fingers slowly loosen the button and zipper of my pants, before they fell to my ankles. I stopped there, wearing nothing but my black boxer briefs.

“Wow, you actually did it.” He muttered, stepping forward. “Alright, get on your knees.”

Flustered, I did what he said, bending down on my knees in front of him. I swallowed. God, the steam from the water was making the room hot. I was exposed and embarrassed in front of him. But I liked it. No, I loved it. My breathing grew heavy as I got more turned on.

“Help me.” He ordered. I knew he probably would have trouble if he couldn’t use his bad arm. But it was still an order. An order to help him undress. Kneeling on the ground really made me feel submissive to him. Carefully, I raised my shaky hands to his belt, loosening it and pulling it through the hoops. His stomach moved up and down slowly as he breathed. Slowly, I unhooked the button and helped him pull the pants down his smooth, white legs. He wore tight white briefs.

When I was done, he turned back to the tub, reaching behind his head to loosen his mask. Guess he was done with me. Disappointed and sexually frustrated, I stood up and turned to exit the room, grabbing my clothes as I went. So he was just playing with me after all. Shit.

“Hey.” I stopped to turn back to him. He hadn’t removed his mask yet. We stared at each other for a moment before he bent down to turn the water off. “Aren’t you…” He trailed off and I raised my eyebrows. He started again. “Aren’t you going to stay?”

I blinked in surprise. He wanted me to stay? I felt a smile crack on the sides of my mouth excitedly. But I decided to tease him a little. “If you order it.” I bit my lip nervously.

“Tch-“ He scoffed angrily, shaking his head. “Fine… Stay. But turn off the lights."

My smile faded and suddenly I was really nervous. I nodded my head in reply, turning around to let my finger flip down the switch, the lights buzzing and flickering a few times before shutting off. There was a window on the wall opposite the sink and a ray of moonlight shined in. It was dark, but not as dark as the basement had been... 

Afterwards, I crossed the room to him. We stood in front of each other awkwardly for what seemed like an eternity. 

"You first." He whispered.

"O-ok..." I muttered, hooking my thumbs in the band of my underwear. My hands shook nervously, but I managed to pull them off until I was completely exposed in front of him. It was embarrassing, but I liked it. He could see that I was turned on, which only excited me more. Without a word, he repeated the process, removing his own.

We both removed our masks and he grabbed onto me for support as I lowered him into the tub. The glass top covered us and we breathed in the clean filtered air. He reclined on his back and I hovered over him, taking in his whole person. The light wasn't bright, but I could still make out his face in the darkness of the room. He was pale, his eyes a fierce silver that pierced right through me. His eyebrows were thin and he had dark bags beneath his eyes. His lips were a beautiful red against his white cheeks. I hesitated a moment before slowly brushing the hair from his brow with my fingers. He stared back at me, taking in my face too.

"So... am I cute?" I asked with a half-smile.

He blinked and quickly looked away, his eyebrows furrowed. "How should I know?" 

"I can... help you wash if you need it-" I offered, using all my power not to lean closer to him. Our legs rested together. His were so soft. I knew I was probably blushing madly at our closeness...

He glanced back at me with that emotionless gaze. Guess his expressions showed just as little emotion as his voice. I wondered what he was thinking. Did he want to kiss me as badly as I wanted to kiss him?

The rippling water around us was the only sound in the quiet room. It was almost as if the world were frozen around us. This moment was all that mattered: the moment I realized just how deeply in love I was with him. I didn't care if he didn't like me back. I'd still do whatever he asked of me.

"Yeah." He mumbled. "Don't let water get on it though."

I nodded. "R-right... ok well just turn around and lean your head back." I let him put his weight on me as he swiveled around in the tub, hugging his knees to his chest like a small child. I wanted to ask him so many things. I wanted to tell him so many things. But I knew if I pushed too much, I'd scare him away. I had to be careful with him. He was fragile...

I got some shampoo and and let my fingers weave through his soft raven hair. He exhaled shakily at my touch. Maybe he liked his hair being played with. That was kind of cute. I tried not to get too excited while I massaged the shampoo through his hair. After a minute or two, his eyes drifted closed and he leaned into my hand. Guess he really did like it. 

Gently, I guided his head back and rinsed his hair. He clenched his eyes closed. When I finished, he ran a hand through his hair, slicking it back to reveal his forehead. I swallowed and he looked at me. 

"Wash your own. You need it." 

I flushed, embarrassed. "Right... so do you bathe every day then?"

He held his knees to his chest and shrugged. "Is that so bad? I hate dirt." 

I smiled sheepishly as I shampooed my own head. Guess Jean had been right. He was sort of a clean freak. 

"Is that funny?" 

"Uh no!" I exclaimed, unable to stop smiling. I ducked under the water to wash the shampoo out of my hair. When I came up for air, I slicked my hair back too, leaning closer to him. With a roll of his eyes he reached for the soap, handing it to me. I grabbed a wash cloth to use, but he stopped me. 

"Use your hands..." He whispered.

Our eyes met and I stared into his, trying to understand what he was feeling... what he wanted from me. Slowly, he turned around, his back facing me, and he leaned against my shoulder, his hands guiding mine underneath his arms to wrap around his chest. I gulped, using the soap to start steadily cleaning it. My fingers brushed against his collarbone and neck and he sighed, furrowing his eyebrows, but relaxing into me. The more I rubbed his chest area, the heavier his breathing became. 

"Do you like that?" I whispered into his ear, resisting the urge to kiss underneath it. He smelled so sweet: a dainty, feminine scent like flowers or pine. 

"Shut up." He breathed, leaning his head against my shoulder. I let my fingers drift down over his nipple, my thumb pressing onto it. I'd heard that the nipples could be a sensitive place for guys. 

"Nn-" He muttered at the sudden touch, immediately tensing. "Hey-"

"Sorry-" I tried to hide my smile, stopping my hands for a moment. He was reclining against me with his knees bent under the water, his thighs pressed together. Was he... turned on? I was. The way he was sitting, he couldn't feel it though. I let my lips drift under his ear. "I can... suck them if you want..." I mumbled.

He blushed and I could feel his chest and neck grow warm. That was a good enough answer for me. Carefully, I turned him around and leaned him against the back of the tub, moving in between his legs, so my face was even with his chest. His mouth was parted, his eyes a bit wide with surprise. But all he did was watch me as I leaned in, swallowing his left nipple in my mouth. 

"Wait-" He whispered in protest.

Instead, I swirled my tongue around the erect bud, suckling on it until I could hear the moans coming from the back of his throat. At first they were just small hums that he tried to swallow by keeping his mouth closed. But the harder I sucked, the more breathless he became, until the soft sounds were coming from his lips. His moans fueled me, and my hand found its way to the other nipple, flicking it a few times.

"Ah-! nn... Eren- stop... " He groaned, throwing the back of his hand over his face as I pleasured him. 

Little did he know that my name on his tongue was a major turn on. I hummed against his skin to cause vibrations until he was unable to control his pleasured noises. They were quiet and breathy, but so beautiful. I bit into the skin and his breath hitched.

"Hey! No biting-" He grunted, pushing me away by my forehead. A strand of saliva hung between my mouth and his chest and I quickly wiped it away. Red teeth marks flared up around the swollen nipple and I blushed at the sight of it. He panted, his eyelids half closed as he looked at me, now just as turned on as I was. 

We stared at each other for a long time until I built up the courage to lean over him, our chests brushing as our faces neared. I hovered over him, our lips just centimeters apart. He seemed to lean up towards me a little.

"We shouldn't..." He whispered. 

"But... you're turned on aren't you?" I whispered back, letting my hand slide from his chest down his stomach, approaching the area between his legs.

He flinched and grabbed onto me. I stopped. "You like pain, right?" He asked.

I flushed and looked away, embarrassed. "I don't know..." 

Suddenly, he weaved his hand through my hair and pulled my head back roughly. I groaned in painful surprise, blood rushing to my cheeks and my erection twitching excitedly. He raised his eyebrows at me. Oh, so that was a test to see if I liked it... well, I had. 

"Fucking masochist..." He murmured, sitting up on his knees and pushing me back so I was sitting beneath him. His knees straddled my waist and he leant close to me with a menacing, piercing gaze. I gulped as I stared into his sharp gray-blue eyes. He leaned down to growl in my ear. "Why don't you say... 'Please torture me, Captain.'"

My eyes widened and I bit my lip with excitement. His voice was so commanding and what he wanted me to say was so arousing. I looked to the side, trying to hide how flustered I was. "I can't... say that..." I mumbled, embarrassed, rubbing a hand over my face to try and hide my expression. I furrowed my brows and let my hand fall into the water beside me. "Besides... you said you didn't like it... " 

He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. I gulped, wide-eyed. "Wow you really are thick headed." He rolled his eyes, then growled between his teeth. "Say it." His hand tightened in my hair.

"Ah-" I bit my lip, then leaned close to him so our noses touched, my hands resting on his chest. "Please... Please torture me, Captain..." I whispered.

He leaned in so his face was nestled into my neck, then bit harshly into the skin. I grunted, closing one eye to try and bear the pain. After a minute though, he sucked as his teeth dug deeper and I was whining below him at the sensation. His hand tugged on my hair roughly to keep my head back and neck exposed for him to bite on. The pain sent excitement through my whole body.

After a moment, he adjusted his position and bit into my shoulder, resting his hips on top of mine so he was sitting in my lap. I subconsciously rested my hands on his hips. This position... it was almost like we were having sex... 

Our erections rubbed together under the water as he ripped at my flesh. "Ah- oh.... wait... I can't-" I couldn't control my moans as his hands traveled down my bare chest and stomach. He pulled away and rubbed his arm across his mouth. It was bloodstained. The sight sent a shiver of pleasure through me and I pushed him down a bit roughly.

"Hey-!" He tried to protest. I didn't give him the time. In a moment, our lips were connected and my hands were weaving through his hair, guiding his head as I sucked his lips and tongue aggressively. I couldn't stop myself. My hips moved against his.

He tried to pull away, but couldn't, his soft grunts and gasps of protest just pushing me on more. His nails scratched at my shoulders and eventually made their way to my hair, which he used to pull my head back.

"Stop- We can't..." He panted.

"Please..." I gasped. "I can't hold back... please..." my erection hurt. It throbbed excitedly under the water, needing friction so badly it pained me. 

He looked away, looking so incredibly beautiful in the moonlight. His pale skin glowed, his cheeks dusted scarlet and his lips stained a dark rouge. "I'm not doing it with you in a fucking bathtub on this side of the wall..." He said. "Use your hands if you need to get off that badly..."

What was that supposed to mean? I sat back for a second and he looked up at me, raising an eyebrow. "I can't... go to the other side..." I said, furrowing my brows. "Are you... leading me on? You're not going to be with me because I'm not fucking rich?" I was getting angry. "Is it my fault that I don't have what you have...?"

He blinked, then rolled his eyes, clenching his jaw angrily. "Shut up. You're such an idiot." He sat up onto my lap like he had before and rested his elbows on my shoulders. "I'll..." He looked away, his wet hair falling over his brow. "I'll take you there..."

We didn't say anything else. I let my hands drift under the water and fondle our arousals together until we were both breathless and moaning together. We kissed passionately, we rubbed our skin together, we rolled our hips against each other. 

Yeah...

Somehow, I had fallen in love with him.


	7. Life or Death, Love or Hate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm so sorry it's been a while since I've posted. I'm doing my best to post when I can! Since I waited so long to post, I'll work extra hard to get the next chapter out as soon as possible <3 I hope this isn't too sad, there is definitely more to come !

Thankfully, the others weren’t there when the Captain and I returned to the underground. Neither of us spoke, but it was a comfortable silence. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he had promised me: to take me to the other side of the wall… was it even possible? The thought warmed my heart. To think that he wanted to take me there. Maybe we could even… be happy together…

I had kept the towel he had used to dry himself off after we got out of the bathtub. It still held his scent: flowery pine. At night, when I was alone in my sleeping pod, I brought it with me. I buried my face into it, inhaling his scent. Memories flooded through my brain of all that happened in the bath we had taken together. The whole thing was so erotic…

The next day, I didn’t see him. Being apart from him pained me, but I couldn’t really think of an excuse to see him. And I didn’t want the others knowing about what we had done. They had already suspected he was more than just a captured officer to me. And now that I knew they were right, I felt inclined to keep them from finding out the truth… no one could know that I loved him… I wasn’t even sure I wanted him to know. Physical connection didn’t mean he felt the same way.

The 104ths had been extremely successful in their escapade the night before. Because they were able to know the scouts location and shifts, they were able to get out with far more food and water than usual. Looked like we even had something other than bread to eat for once. It only made sense that they all decided to celebrate. We sat around all day, playing with the TV and eating all that we could. I wasn’t in particularly good spirits, and my mind was too preoccupied with dozens of questions about the Captain. His words ran over and over in my mind. I tried to make sense of them. What was his name? What was he thinking? What did he want? Did he like me…?

I picked up an abandoned wrapper from a piece of candy someone had eaten. The outside was a bright red with bold white letters that read “tootsie POP.” The inside of it was white. Everyone was gathered around and I was sitting on the couch as they all laughed and talked about what had happened when they stole all the food. Half-listening, I picked up a pencil and started sketching on the little paper. I couldn’t forget his face…

“Wait wait! Do you remember when Shasha tripped cause she was carrying too much?!” Connie was giggling.

The others laughed along with him.

Armin sat beside me on the arm of the couch, looking over my shoulder. “Who’s that?” He pointed to my drawing.

I shrugged. “No one.” It wasn’t a particularly good drawing, but it reminded me of him. I had captured his eyes in the small picture. With a sigh, I shoved the little piece of paper in my pocket. 

"Are you ok, Eren...?" He asked softly, so the others wouldn't hear over their lively conversation. I could tell Mikasa was eyeing us even through her mask. 

"Uh- yeah. I'm just gonna go to the bathroom."

I decided I'd go to the bathroom upstairs in the main part of the underground. If I went to the one downstairs, I would have to pass the hallway of prisoners... it was an excuse to see him, but just the thought of it had me flushing nervously. What would I say to him? I was deathly afraid he'd reject me after what had happened. Maybe he hadn't liked it at all... I honestly didn't know. No, I couldn't go see him.

With a sigh, I rubbed the back of my neck as I weaved through the small crowd of people to the bathroom tucked neatly into a wall. There was an abandoned drinking fountain between the men's and women's. I pushed through the door to the men's and it squeaked on it's hinges, the lights flickering on from the motion sensor, buzzing to life. 

I didn't really need to go, but I needed a moment alone. Since the night before, I had worn a thin turtleneck to hide the marks on my neck and shoulder. Trying not to get too excited, I leaned on the sink, taking in my reflection in the dirty, smoggy mirror. Carefully, I let my hand pull the fabric back to reveal the dark teeth marks left on my neck. His mouth had marked me... I swallowed nervously as my fingers brushed over the tender spot, now crusted over with dried blood. I bit my lip. 

Damn it... 

It seemed that all I did now was think of him. I couldn't help but enjoy the feeling that he had marked me. It was like I belonged to him. I shuddered and put the fabric back over the sensitive spot. But I still lingered at the mirror. How long had it been since I'd seen my own reflection...?

I held my breath and removed the mask for a moment, readying for my eyes to sting against the toxic air. It wasn't so bad though. Actually, it didn't hurt at all, surprisingly. I stared back at my own unfamiliar rugged face. Thick eyebrows over large blue-green eyes. My lips were still a bit swollen pink from the kissing yesterday. My cheeks were flushed and my eyes dilated. 

I gulped at my reflection, wondering if he found me attractive. I couldn't really tell... All I knew was that I looked so desperately in love. Anyone who saw my complexion would know. Embarrassing.

I sighed and fastened my mask back around my head, heading out of the bathroom and towards the back stairs. Suddenly, a body was in my path, stopping me. 

Historia.

"Eren!" She exclaimed, excitedly. "There's an officer her. You need to go talk to him."

An officer? She pointed over my shoulder and I turned around to see a tall, muscular man. Blonde hair. He wore all black, his military armor wrapped around his chest with their symbol on his left side. Wings of Freedom...

Erwin Smith. I recognized him almost immediately. What the hell did that guy want with me? We were in the underground, so there was no way he would be able to arrest me. I supposed talking to him wouldn't do any harm, especially if it was me specifically he wanted to see. 

I headed in his direction and, when he saw me, he approached me as well. I crossed my arms and looked up at him.

"Heard you've been asking for me. What the hell do you want?"

He rested a large hand on his hip as he pulled me aside. "We need to come to some sort of agreement." His deep voice was chilling. 

"And what could you give me that would make me want to make an agreement with you?" I spat. 

The two of us sat down in some abandoned chairs. For some reason this felt like a dad about to scold his son. I sat back with my arms crossed while he leant forward, elbows on his knees. 

"I'm sure my knowledge will change your mind, Eren." He said. "For starters, we know about the underground. The true underground. The ends of the underground subway have been blocked off for a long time, but there's nothing stopping us from getting to you from the main entrance, which I assume is somewhere near the back of the building. Am I correct?"

I fidgeted. Sure, it was pretty obvious our headquarters were located somewhere here... but what was he implying? A raid? "You can't, even if you want to." I objected. "There are too many of us and we'd be ready for you. And besides, your government declared the underground an arrest-free zone, remember? You really willing to break your own laws? Then, you're no better than us."

A small chuckle emanated from his mask intercom. I didn't like it. It was almost like he was patronizing me. Like he knew something I didn't. He finally sat back in his chair, resting one foot on his knee in a relaxing position. This guy was really irritating. "Yes, I'm quite willing to go that far. We have the key, Eren. Now we need to know what it goes to."

"Wait so this has nothing to do with the Captain?" I pressed. Did he really not care about his own officer? I had thought this would be about him... 

"Don't be foolish, Eren." Erwin snapped, suddenly not in his good spirits anymore. "He might have saved you, but he doesn't care for you. Trust me. I know him better than anyone. This world has no room for affection. Either you cooperate, or I'll drag you out of here myself."

I swallowed, my eyes wide. It was like he had read my mind... and what did he mean by he knew him better than anyone? I shook my head, standing up with a sudden rush of anger. "Oh yeah?! Well, you'll be met by a dozen of my comrades and everyone else that I've brought over to my side here in the underground. They may not be 104ths, but everyone here knows me and respects me. You won't get in here without a fight, Sir."

Erwin stood as well, hovering over me. "I'll do it. Don't think I won't. Think about your friends. Think about the Captain, since you seem to care for him."

"I don't-" I stammered angrily.

"I won't make any rash moves." He said calmly. "So you have time to think it over."

The next day I woke up in my pod snuggling the towel. I felt ashamed for sleeping with it, but I couldn't help it. It was the one thing that I let myself have that he had used. And it smelled so nice... just like he had. I rubbed my nose into the soft fabric, breathing in the pretty scent. 

A sigh escaped my lips as I stumbled out of my pod, pulling on another turtleneck and putting my mask in place over my nose. I slipped on the same pants I had on yesterday. The others were already awake when I walked into the main area of the subway. 

"Eren, have you eaten?" Mikasa asked sweetly. 

"I'm not... really that hungry." I admitted.

"Can I have your portion then?!"Sasha exclaimed excitedly.

"Uh... knock yourself out." I shrugged and plopped myself down on the sofa, resting my hands behind my head.

A few moments later, Jean stormed in and sat down on the other end of the couch. 

"What's wrong, Jean?" Armin asked.

"That damned Captain, again!" He exclaimed. "I swear I'm giving up looking after the prisoners. That guy's a real pain in the ass. Give the job to someone else."

"But it's your turn this month." Connie griped. "I'm not taking your spot, so find someone else."

"What happened?" Armin asked, sitting on the floor in front of me and Jean.

"All the other prisoners take their food like normal. Lift up the mask, give 'em a piece of bread and shove the mask back down. Simple right?" Jean scoffed and crossed his arms. "Well not our royal highness. No, he refuses to eat because it's 'unsanitary.' He wants me to take him to a pod!" He shook his head. "Like hell I'm gonna do that. The guy scares the shit outta me."

"He can't just not eat." I said, though I didn't really want to get involved in the conversation. 

"He's right, Jean." Armin chimed in. "If you don't want to take him to a pod then someone else will just have to do it..."

Slowly, all the heads turned in my direction. I flushed. "Huh?! Why me?"

The only way to explain it would be awkward. Just the sight of him had me nervous, remembering all we had done just a few nights ago. He was quiet too, his face angled away from my direction. Was he as embarrassed as I was? It was almost like now we had done so much together that we didn't know what to say to each other now.

Sure, I had dozens of questions I still wanted to ask him. Though we had spent that romantic moment together, I knew little to nothing about him. And I didn't even know if it was romantic for him. He could have other people he's done that with... people like Erwin Smith. That guy claimed he knew the Captain better than anyone. Did that mean in a physical way? Or even a romantic way? It wasn't so far-fetched to think that they had a relationship. Maybe the Commander's only reason for threatening me was for the Captain's sake. Could they really be in love...? Was I falling in love for someone that was in love with someone else? Then why did he invite me into the bathtub? 

Questions swirled through my mind as I guided him to the eating pods. They were positioned in a room by the staircase, probably an old office room or maybe a storing room. I handed him his ration of food and a water bottle, opening the pod for him. Though he was wearing a mask and I couldn't make eye contact, I still looked at the floor. Why was I so nervous? My stomach fluttered uneasily just from his presence. 

He snatched it from me and I gulped. A moment passed, where he simply stood in front of me. Did he want me to say something? When I didn't speak, he sighed and shook his head, removing his mask and entering the pod. 

"Why didn't you come see me?" His voice was hoarse and soft, coming from the pod. I glanced behind me to look at him. He still wore the clothes I had given him two days ago. They were a pair of mine and were big on him, hanging off his smaller, thinner frame. A soft blush dusted my cheeks at the sight of it. I cleared my throat and ran a hand through my hair. Why was he so cute...? 

"Uh..." I stammered, shifting my weight.

When I didn't immediately explain, he interrupted me. "Come in here if you're gonna talk. Shitty brat..."

I gulped and did as he said, removing my mask and sitting across from him in the pod. There were two benches, one on each wall of the thin space. It wasn't a lot of room, but probably as big as a closet space. Enough room for the two of us. 

He stared at me with sharp silver eyes that seemed to rip me apart, finding out my true feelings and thoughts. I stared back with wide eyes, trying to swallow my apparent blush. "I uh... wasn't sure what to say." I admitted.

He opened the water bottle and gulped down half of it in one drink. With an angry expression he stared at the piece of bread, his jaw clenched. "Oh, I get it. You're only interested in fucking me." He snapped, leaning back on one hand and taking a bite out of the bread, avoiding my gaze.

I blinked with surprise, probably blushing a bright red at his words. "H-huh? What do you mean?" I stuttered. "That's not-"

"Piss off."

"No! That's not true! I just-" 

"If you want to fuck me, then just do it." His eyes flared with anger, like daggers aimed mercilessly at my heart. "Then we can go on with our lives like this never happened."

I was caught off guard. What was he talking about? Where did this come from? I tried to catch my breath, rubbing my forehead to try and make some sense of the situation. "I don't... I don't want that." 

The Captain rolled his eyes and took another swig of water. "Forget it." He leaned his elbows on his knees and didn't look at me again. We were both silent, him staring at the floor and me staring at him. I felt my eyes well up with tears and my nose starting to run. Damn it. I was on the verge of tears and I couldn't stop them. The whole situation had been stressful before this conversation. And now... now I didn't know what to think. Did he really hate me? Did he really want me out of his life this much?

I sniffed and the tears gushed from my eyes. I wiped vigorously at them to try and save my composure, but it was no use. He glanced up at my sniffling and his eyes widened.

"Are you- are you crying?!" He stammered, unbelievably.

I gasped uncontrollably and pressed my palms to my eye sockets, tears starting to run down my cheeks and arms. I turned away from him. 

He let out a choked breath and shook his head in disbelief. "Stop it." He said awkwardly. "God, I didn't think you'd cry." When I couldn't stop, he stood and walked over to me, yanking my head back by my hair to make me look up at him. "Why the hell are you crying?" He asked with that same menacing scowl. 

I sniffed, my vision blurred by my welled up eyes. I tried to wriggle away from him so he wouldn't see me like this, but he held on firmly. Too much movement caused me pain. But I couldn't help but like it when he pulled roughly like that. 

I gasped a few times through the tears, avoiding his gaze. "You... You hate me..." The words brought a whole new wave of tears. I padded my palms with the sleeves of my shirt and rubbed at my eyes until they started to hurt. His hand loosened in my hair and I looked looked up at him, rubbing my nose on my sleeve.

His jaw was clenched and he was looking away. "Why the hell do you think I broke you out of that cell?" It seemed to be a genuine question.

My breathing was uneven and my words came out in a voice broken from crying. I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair. "You heard how they were torturing me... you would've helped anyone..."

"Tch. You really are a fucking idiot." He growled, taking my chin in his hand and forcing my face to look at him. "Look at me and listen closely, because I'm not going to explain this twice. This world is way too rotten for anything like morality. I do what I want to do, got it? I don't give a fuck about right or wrong. I didn't save you for some kind of justice." He jerked his hand away and I immediately brought my hand to the spot he had touched, liking how he had been rough with it.

I swallowed, sniffling as the tears finally slowed. "Then... then why did you save me?" I asked softly. 

He turned away from me with a scowl. After a minute, he spoke softly. "I just-... I just wanted to."

A new wave of tears flooded over me and I grabbed onto him as I sobbed. He let me hug him. He stood and I sat, my arms wrapped around his waist and my face buried in his stomach. Overcome with emotion, I let it out. "I know it doesn't make sense... You're a scout and I'm a 104th! But- but I just can't help it. Everything about you... I just- I just want to be near you." I sobbed, clutching onto his shirt and refusing to look at him. I didn't want to see the look of rejection that resided there.

After a minute of crying, I felt his soft hand rest gently on my head. I sniffled in surprise as he petted my hair, caressingly. Hesitantly, I looked up at him and our eyes met. His piercing grey eyes seemed sad.

He inhaled a shaky breath and looked away. "You can't- We can't..." He shook his head. "My shoulder's healed enough. I'm going back to the scouts." 

I grabbed his hand in mine, looking imploringly up at him. "Don't- please, don't go..." When he refused to look at me, I stood and looked down at him.

"There's not enough room in this life for what you're suggesting." He said softly. "If anyone were to know what we've already done, we'd both be killed. Can't you fucking see that?" His voice growled, but I could tell he was pained by his own words.

"Yeah... I just don't care." His head snapped up and he stared into my eyes as if to determine if I was actually serious. "What's there to live for? Until... until I met you I didn't realize how miserable I was. I can't even breathe fresh air... I have to hide everyday. So if short-lived happiness gets me killed then so be it."

His lips parted slightly in surprise as he glared up at me. "I didn't save your worthless ass so you could throw it away."

I bit my lip. "If you don't care about me at all then go, Captain. If you can truly say that our kiss meant nothing then go!" I challenged, angrily.

He was quick to shove me up against the wall. "Shut the hell up. Someone's gonna hear you, brat." 

I didn't obey. "If you're going to leave then you're going to have to beat me up so bad that I can't follow you. As long as I can stand I'll come after you."

The pod went silent. He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head impatiently. Then, without a word, he did just that. His fist came crashing into my cheek over and over, sometimes even hitting the side of my eye or my temple. Then he kicked me to the ground, kneeing me in the stomach. His knee slammed into my face, his hands wrangled in my hair. He didn't stop until blood was spilling from my nose and my skin was bruised purple. My vision blurred and my ears rang as I gasped and groaned from the pain. Trembling, I tried to get up off the floor, but he kicked me one last time to keep me down. I could only watch through swollen eyelids as he exited the pod, leaving me beaten and bloody on the floor.


	8. We Just Won't Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's the next chapter as promised! I really enjoyed writing this chapter, it's just so sweet <3 I hope you guys like it. I'm excited for the next few chapters, I've got some good stuff in mind so hopefully people like it !

The memory flashed through my mind with a frightful suddenness. Our old house... mom cleaning in the kitchen with Mikasa by her side. The house filled with toxic smog. All of us wearing out masks. Through the smoggy glass of my mask, I saw my father removed the painting from the wall. He brought his hand to his neck and pulled his necklace from beneath his shirt. 

The key!

It shimmered a bright gold in the dim lighting of the room. Dad used it to unlock the safe in the wall, placing his journal there. 

Was that the same night he and mom were taken...

"Hey, Eren. I brought some food..." Armin's sweet voice broke the silence of the bedroom. Well, it was only a bedroom in the sense that a lot of our sleeping pods resided there. I had been in my pod all morning. After all, what was the point in coming out? I didn't participate with stealing anymore. And I didn't have any interest in going upstairs. 

My mask laid beside me in the pod. I had my hands behind my head as I looked over at Armin. I slept shirtless and I suddenly became aware that my fingers were brushing over the scarred mark on my neck. Quickly, I pulled them away with a scowl. "Thanks, Armin."

He nodded and opened the pod only for a moment to slip a pack of pop tarts next to me. When he didn't leave, I look up at him, raising my eyebrows. "What?"

Hesitantly, he rubbed the back of his neck. "I told Mikasa I'd come and talk to you... Eren, we're worried about you. You stay in your pod all day and when you do come out all you do is sit on the couch. You don't seem yourself..."

I shrugged and turned away from him, grabbing the pop tart and ripping open the package with my teeth. "Well, I'm fine." I bit into the tart even though I didn't really have a stomach for it. 

Armin sighed, running a hand through his bangs. "Ever since he escaped-"

Exasperated, I let out a frustrated huff. "Would you let it go, Armin? Seriously, that was what- a month ago?"

"Over a month." He corrected.

"Exactly." I said, taking another bite out of the pop tart. "I've just been thinking about something is all..." I took a moment, sitting up on my elbow and glancing at Armin. "There's something I have to do."

Armin tilted his head. "And what's that?"

My hand rested against my chest in the place where the key should've been. I shook my head and sighed deeply. "Dad left this to me... I never thought it meant much but after everything with the Commander, I need to go back there. I'm the only one that knows what that key goes to. So, I have to get there first. For all of us."

Armin nodded slowly as I spoke. "But, Eren, you don't have the key."

I laid back down on the bed. "Yeah, I know. That parts comes first."

"You're going alone, aren't you?" Armin said, his tone flat.

"This is something I have to do alone."

Leaving them wasn't easy. I didn't know when or if I would return. But Armin and I agreed not to tell the others. What they didn't know couldn't hurt them... though it did hurt me not being able to tell them. The mission was a dangerous one. Breaking back into the place where I had been imprisoned. I had reasoned enough that the key was probably there... if it wasn't, I would at least start there. Erwin Smith's office. I'd wait until after most of the scouts had left, then sneak in and search the room. Surely I would find something.

Before I left, I packed a backpack of supplies. Water. Food. Extra ammo. I wore a tight, v-neck t-shirt and gloves with baggy army pants and boots. Around my thigh was a gun holster for my pistol. I threw my backpack over my shoulder and clipped the harness across my chest so it would slip when I was running. I only took a quick glance at myself in the mirror before leaving. My hair was ragged from the last time I'd cut it.

Sneaking out of the underground wasn't as hard as I thought, though my heart fell into my stomach as I climbed the stairs and headed for the doors without looking back. Who knew what I was getting myself into. If I got caught again, I'd be killed for sure.

It hadn't taken me long to locate the prison in Area 13. I didn't know much about the area, but I knew how to get there. A long walk, hiding in and around alleyways the whole way there. It had been such a long time since I'd been out like this... I hadn't been going out with the 104ths to steal, so I hadn't gotten a good look at the world in a while. 

Rotten. Everything was eroding. Smog everywhere. What kind of world was this? Not one I cared about or wanted to live in any more. Once I got the key I could see what was in Dad's safe. Maybe it was even something that could get us to the other side of the wall. It was probably beautiful there...

The prison was in sight, but I kept my distance. The building was small, but heavily guarded. Barbed wire fence with one gate, guarded by two scouts. Once inside, all the doors to the building needed an identification card to open. My mask intercom crackled softly as I heaved a heavy sigh. Well, at least the plan was going well so far.

Quietly, I climbed a fire escape, high enough to be masked by the hovering fog. I waited quietly, perched uneasily on the edge of the slippery bars. Finally, I heard footsteps. One pair. Perfect! Once they were right below me, I flew to the ground and shoved them up against the wall, my pistol aimed at their neck.

I recognized her. Petra. Short, ginger. 

"Your ID card." I said simply.

"Eren Jaeger!" She exclaimed. "It's you...!"

"The card." I growled.

"Eren, listen to me, if you don't want to die, you need to get out of here. There's nothing we can do once your caught and handed over to the MPs!" 

I scoffed at her. "Oh yeah? Well last I remember, the Commander of the scouts was the one that had me beaten nearly to death."

She shook her head. "You're wrong, that wasn't his doing. Eren, this is bigger than all of us. And the Captain-"

"The card." I interrupted.

She sighed, and pulled it from a pouch on her belt. I snatched it, grabbing her weapon and taking it for myself so she had nothing to take me down with. I turned to go, leaving her behind me as I ran to the prison.

Approaching the back was easiest. Sure, there were security cameras, but at this time of night, most scouts were going back to area 16 to be let in the other side, where they lived their lives. Probably with families... no masks, no worries... I scowled at the thought. Why did they deserve it and we didn't? 

Carefully, I climbed the chained fence, careful not to hurt myself on the barbed wire. The chains clinked noisily together as I reached the top and jumped to the ground on the other side. I didn't waste a moment, jogging as softly as possible to the back of the building. Security cameras were attached to the roof, gleaming down at me. 

Damn.

I'd have to be quick. There was no guarantee that no one saw me... 

I quickly grabbed the ID card and swiped it. The doors beeped a loud, humming sound and unlocked. The hallway was empty as I snuck inside, careful that my boots didn't make too much noise on the dirty, concrete floors. 

Doors lined the hallways, closets, offices, storage rooms... Only once did I duck into a nearby closet as footsteps approached. Once they were out of earshot, I continued down the hallway. Nothing that read Erwin Smith...

Stealthily, I climbed the staircase to the second floor. It was much less populated than below and it didn't take me long to find a door with his name on it. Bingo! My hand reached for the handle, but when I pulled, it didn't budge.

"Shit..." I whispered to myself. It was locked... I could shoot it, but then someone would surely be coming after me. I took a deep breath and pulled a couple of lock picks from my belt. Could never be sure when you'd need to pick a lock. The 104ths were forced to do it all the time when we raided old, abandoned buildings that were left locked.

I knelt on the floor and stuck the two long pins into the key whole, starting to tinker with it. I had never been good at this sort of thing... Quickly, I became frustrated as I tried to find the point of leverage and kick it back to unlock the latch. 

Footsteps!

They were soft, but they were coming from the stairwell.

My heart beat loudly in my neck as I scrambled to get it open. The footsteps grew louder, echoing from the end of the hallway now! I panicked, my hands trembling. I was gonna get caught!

By some stroke of luck, I managed to unlock the door. Without thinking, I shoved into the room, closing the door behind me, leaving the echo of footsteps outside. Only after a minute of silence did I realize I was holding my breath. I let it out slowly, glancing about the dark room.

It was extremely neat and clean, everything in its proper place... I didn't have a lot of time. I got straight to work, looking through drawers and on bulletin boards for the key. Where was it?! My hands flew through everything. It had to be here...

SLAM!

My whole body froze at the sound of the door slamming open, stung by shock. I didn't waste a moment in pulling my pistol from my belt and aiming it in the direction of the sound. A figure stood in the doorway only for a moment before coming in and closing the door. 

It was him...

Suddenly, my hands weren't trembling from fear but from nerves. What was he doing here...? No one was supposed to be here. Hadn't all the scouts gone home by now?! I could hear my surprised breathing through my mask. 

He was just as I remembered him from all those weeks ago. Shorter than me. Slim and muscular, his raven hair combed and perfectly parted. He wore his scout uniform. Because of his mask, I couldn't read his expression, not that there would've been much to read anyways. 

"What are you doing here." He finally said, his voice gritty and low. 

I gulped at the sound of it. Just as it had been in my dreams... I didn't lower my gun. "The key." I heard myself say in a surprisingly confident voice.

He didn't seem worried about the gun aimed at his head, taking a relaxed stance and crossing his arms. "You won't find it here." 

Suddenly, his presence hit me. The memory of what he had done sent a throbbing pain to my chest. I had told him that if I meant nothing to him, then he should leave. And that's what he did. There was nothing between us except hatred. And that's all I felt for him now too. Anger swelled through me at the remembrance of how he had savagely abused me until I couldn't even walk. It was a faded memory after all those weeks, but it still stung fresh in my brain. Clenching my jaw and overcome by irritation, I marched towards him, pressing the nozzle of the gun to the white skin of his forehead. "Then where is it?" I demanded.

He didn't flinch. "What. You gonna shoot me?"

"Don't think I won't."

We both were quiet for a minute before he spoke again. "Where have you been the past two months?" 

My hand tightened around the pistol. "Don't act like you care." I whispered angrily. "You left. Message received, Captain. Now, just tell me where the key is and you and the Commander can be happy together." I didn't know where it came from, except maybe from the deep parts of me that were jealous of what the Commander had said to me that day.

"What-" His voice was tight with that silent rage right before he was about to pound me. "You don't even know what you're talking about-"

"Shut up!" I interrupted.

Before I could continue, he grabbed me by the front of my shirt and shoved me backwards, pinning me against the Commander's desk. Though he was shorter than me, I could feel his strength. If he wanted to, he could flip me over the desk. "Don't you fucking tell me to shut up, you fucking brat-" He growled with more anger I'd ever heard from him. "What the hell did I tell you? I told you not to waste the freedom I got for you. So why are you here?"

I tried to push back against him and we struggled for a second until I had my hand tangled in the back of his hair, yanking his head back. Somewhat of a stalemate. We each had an advantage of sorts. "I don't have to obey you!" I retorted. "I'm going to get what my dad left me, so get out of my way or I'll make you."

He scoffed. "Oh yeah? You don't obey, huh? Get on your knees." His foot slammed against my knee and he shoved his hand into my hair, pushing me to the ground. Under his powerful strength, my knees gave and I hit the floor with a painful grunt. His leg pressed me down and his hand had me by the hair, pinning me against the desk. The gun clattered out of my hand and slid away from me. I glared up at him, gasping through the mask. Tears clung to the corners of my eyes. 

"You left for the Commander." I spat.

"You toyed with me." He snapped back. 

We both fell silent, the only sound filling the room being our heavy breathing from struggling against each other. 

I felt the anger starting to subside as I looked up at him. "Just leave me alone... I've gotten over you. You made it clear you don't love me back-" The words fell from my lips before I could stop them. I winced. Damn it... I hadn't meant to say it like that. Now it was all out there and no matter how I wished I could rephrase it, I couldn't now.

His grip on me loosened and he stepped back. "What did you say...?" His voice was soft and it had lost all its anger.

I swallowed and used the desk as leverage to stand back up. "Nothing- forget it... " I made to walk past him, but his hand grasped my wrist tightly and he yanked me back. 

His free hand went to his back pocket and he brought the golden key up to eye level. My eyes widened. He had never given it to the Commander? So he had it the whole time...? I reached for it, but he quickly moved it out of my reach. 

"What did you say." He repeated, indicating my response was the price for the key.

I felt my cheeks burning under the mask as I looked at the floor, my hand rubbing the back of my neck nervously. He had heard me! Why did I have to say it again...? I sighed and shifted my weight uncomfortably. "I just- you didn't have the same feelings as me..." I whispered.

"You... you l-like me?" He stammered uneasily. "No- no you just wanted to fuck me. There's a difference." 

I furrowed my brows, growing red from his assumption. "That's not- I mean... I don't just sleep with anyone! I was only interested because it was you..."

"You don't know anything about me." Came the short reply, his voice flat. 

I swallowed, taking in a shaky breath as I took a step closer to him. "I know enough. I know enough to know that I want to know everything about you. I like... I like how clean you are. I like how your hair is always clean. And- and I like how you get flustered when I flirt with you. I like how you act like you don't care. I liked how you looked at me that night... I've never kissed someone and felt like that... Let me know more about you. God, I don't even know your name! That's all I wanted... I don't know how but- somewhere along the way I fell in love..." 

He was quiet and eventually he let go of my wrist. When I stepped closer, he didn't back away. We both inhaled when our bodies touched and in a moment, our masks were clattering to the floor as I took him in my arms and kissed him: a passionate, longing kiss. It was just as sweet as it had been the first time and it only took a moment before I was devouring him. We stumbled backwards until I pushed him against the desk. As if on cue, he sat up on top of it and I stood between his legs, his arms wrapped around my neck as we sucked each other's tongues eagerly.

His fingers weaved through my hair and I could hear his soft, muffled moans as I let my hands roam his back, embracing him as close as he could get to me. I felt his hands on my cheeks, on my neck. His thigh hooked knowingly on my hip as our tongues swirled together, allowing me to taste every part of him. I could smell his clean, flowery scent. 

Eventually, he managed to pull away for air, gasping and coughing as he inhaled the toxic air around us. I made to turn around and grab our masks, but he held me where I stood with that frightening force, making me look deep in his dilated, silver eyes. His cheeks were stained red, his mouth hung open, his lips parted and pink from rubbing them on mine. 

He coughed hoarsely as he grabbed my hand, resting the key in it and closing my fingers over it. "Take it-" He coughed. "Take it and go-"

I looked between his eyes. "Don't leave me again..." I huffed. "Please-... tell me what I am to you..."

With each intake of breath, he was choking on the poisonous air, his face growing pale. "We can't..." I could hear the pain in his voice. "Eren, we can't. There's nowhere we can go... We'll be caught and I can't watch you die."

"Then we won't die!" I protested. "We just- we just won't die, then."

He made to respond, but was too overcome by coughing to form words. Quickly, I swiped our masks off the floor, fastening his first and then my own. He gasped as he took in the filtered air, huffing heavily as his coughing subsided, his hand resting on his chest. Funnily enough, the pain in my own chest wasn't as harsh. He must've been more weak to it than I was.

We stayed in the same position and his hand rested gently on my chest. I grasped the key in my hand. I had what I came to get... and yet it seemed so insignificant now. Who cared about the stupid key? Who cared about the safe? 

I shook my head and looked down. "Have you ever felt like there's no point? I've felt that way for years... sleep, eat, steal, never knowing if we'll get caught or killed. The same pattern day in and day out. I can't do it anymore. There's nothing to live for." I swallowed. "There's nothing to live for if you won't have me..." 

His face angled away from mine, his voice coming out hoarse from coughing. "Your friends..."

"Sure, I care about them... But remember what you promised me? You said you'd take me to the other side of the wall. Remember? Did you-... did you mean it?" I asked, imploringly.

He shrugged uneasily. "I meant it..." Came his soft reply.

"Then come with me! We don't have much time... someone's gonna come soon, I was caught on security cameras. Just please- come with me... "

I heard his nervous breathing at the thought of it. The two of us, some kind of Bonnie and Clyde duo, running from the law. Sneaking through the wall to live together... the whole thing sounded so outlandish. And yet I knew I didn't have any desires other than spending my time with him. 

"I've watched... so many people die..." His voice was soft and broken from the toxic air. When he breathed, an uneasy rattling came from his chest. His hands clutched into my shirt. "If I let myself care about you, then the same with happen-"

I shook my head. "I'm different."

After a moment of silence, he stood up off the desk and walked towards the door. "Right, then... we just won't die." He tossed me my gun.


End file.
